Tonight is supposed to be all mine.
A moment of mine.
But when you have a lot of noises in mind, you just feel like you don’t deserve anything.
Nada.
My heart falls to the lowest point at the moment. My world feels like crashing down too. I feel like a failure. Maybe I was thinking too much. And I know I should not. I should have more faith.
I hate myself when I am down. I hate to look sulky. I need my mask.
“Miss, may I take photo with you?”
Smile. “Sure”
I bet everyone will experience this: Financial problem
No matter how loaded we are, money will never satisfy us. It binds us, makes us feel desperate in our dependency on dough. It never quenches humans’ greed, especially for those who dedicate their life to their financial thirst.
As a student, I could not shield myself from this problem. I sometimes rack my mind, pondering on how to not lose bucks in short time. But I (who sometimes succumb to human nature of being greedy) find it’s very hard to do so. There is a lot of temptation out there that always lures my weak soul to be a spendthrift.
The most embarrassing part is when I have to call home, asking my parents to “lend” me some bucks (I prefer to use the term “lend”, although I am much aware that "lend" is the synonym for “charity” in my “student-penniless-life dictionary”)
Maybe that is why I’m quite close-fisted when it comes to money. But at the same time, I would not feel comfortable if I learn that I am in debt with anyone (including my parents).
You see, I always dream to be independent, and calling home to ask for money really hurts my pride.
I don’t want to be a prodigal daughter.
I need to be wise. I must have a plan. My economy should be manageable. I have to learn how to be an accountant of my daily finance.
So I won’t be a burden to anyone, including me, myself.
Learn.
-Miss B-
I wonder how difficult it is to be a prince.
Do you have to own fancy dress, or look dandy, look sane, all the time?
Or how would it be like to be a princess?
Voluptuous figure, pretty face, good sense of fashion…
Do you have to be born with elegant gown and sovereign crown?
Do I have to be regal to be accepted?
To be not looked down, to be respected?
If I am a clown, am I going to be rejected?
Will you be ashamed if I go to you as a pauper?
I hate myself for could not be perfect enough…
Or maybe…
I hate myself because of you…
***
Fie! Fie! Fie!
Hamlet, I summon thy mask!
-Miss B-
