Sun shines on me

You were once here
and I was flattered
Flown by vanity
On the air, barely touching the ground

And now you stepped out
and the balloon tying me was blown away too
There was nothing to shame on,
no regret...
It was a beautiful nightmare
that I would never pursue

I reckon
it's the time to wake up
To rise and shine

-Little E-

Middle Night Inspiration.

I don't want to tell my children that I'm a procrastinator.
Shame on me.
Mountain of tasks are piling up.
I'm tensed.
I should have started earlier.
Shame on me.

Howeva,
Bit by bit, I'm going to get it done!

-Miss B-

It shouldn't be late to apologize...

I'm sorry...

For every word came out from my lips

Consciously or unconsciously,

In front or behind,

Positive or Negative...

You deserve the best

I picture you as a nice folk,

I should have not done that to you...

Things happened,

and talking the opposite way

kinda soothing...

I wish when we meet at the junction,

we'll be able to say hi,

and smile...

To you...

and unto me...

-Little E-

Y.

Go away,
I don't wanna linger on yesterday...
Because time passes by
And I keep on wondering why

-Little E-

Sick of Being Healthy

She radiated at the sound of your voice...
She fell deeply head over heels...
I wonder if you even notice it.

She smiled so sweetly...
and ran into your arm
ready to risk everything...

She was standing there vulnerably,
On her bare feet
protected by nothing but faith
...that you're going to keep her heart
without hurting it...

and here you're now
sitting alone against the empty wall
I wonder what was left there...
Loneliness??
You looked so broken
Phony, in a lonely world...
"Does she live there still?"
You wished.
Memory buoyed you up
Everything turned creepy all of a sudden
and you were cringing...
What had you done???

The bleeding heart in your eyes,
pummeled, crushed...
Was it hers?

-Little E-

Sayonara

You're being pathetic.

Don't you know?

I wouldn't be able to resemble someone else

because I can only be ME...

I couldn't breath into your past...

Neither revive your old memory...

I'm sorry for your agony.

I feel for you...

But please,

Staying will only worsen your sore...

And now you are ruining my beautiful story...

If the tears would heal,

let them fall...

I bid you farewell,

Go now...

and find your way...

-Little E-

How are you, Miss B?

I love the poem below...

Now I want to read Maya Angelou's I know Why The Caged Bird Sings. Heard it's a good autobiography.

Been quite lazy lately although I supposed to be busy!! There's a lot of things need to be done and procrastinating will only pile my previous taskS up!

I need to start my engine...
and seems like my room has to be tidied up too.
It's kinda messy at the moment...
and the agony of two days ago made it even worst. I had problem with my molar tooth. Man, it was soO painful! It woke me up two nights in a row! Barely endured the ache, I went to a Dentistry School nearby and asked a final year student to "fix" it for me. He should be given credit for he did a wonderful job! Thanks Dentist-to-be! I'm so glad for the pain has subsided and my life has turned back to normal again... :D:D

Okay, Miss B is off to work. See ya.

-Miss B-

Sympathy

Paul Laurence Dunbar (1872-1906)

I KNOW what the caged bird feels, alas!
When the sun is bright on the upland slopes;
When the wind stirs soft through the springing grass,
And the river flows like a stream of glass;
When the first bird sings and the first bud opes,
And the faint perfume from its chalice steals —
I know what the caged bird feels!

I know why the caged bird beats his wing
Till its blood is red on the cruel bars;
For he must fly back to his perch and cling
When he fain would be on the bough a-swing;
And a pain still throbs in the old, old scars
And they pulse again with a keener sting —
I know why he beats his wing!

I know why the caged bird sings, ah me,
When his wing is bruised and his bosom sore,—
When he beats his bars and he would be free;
It is not a carol of joy or glee,
But a prayer that he sends from his heart's deep core,
But a plea, that upward to Heaven he flings —
I know why the caged bird sings!

The Rhyme of the Rhythm...

I'm in pain...

And I shouldn't complain...

This world of idiocy

Make everything feels icy...

I'm trapped in a chaotic hive

How I'm gonna get out alive?

Cinderella story is too good to be true...

Everything could happen out of the blue...

***

I'm in pain...

And I shouldn't have complaint...

-Little E-

Could It Be?

Karma struck me again...

It was peculiar...

What went around came around...

I'm growing up.

And I hope this is not the end... or Could it be?

I'm so demotivated

I feel so sleepy...

and to never rise again seems to be the best option...

Could it be?

-Little E-

The Voice

This past few days had been a real battle for me.
It reminded me back of my years of dry season which held me since long time ago...
And today, the inner voice in me suddenly sounds alive and vividly...
That I don't need to be someone else in order to be accepted..
I was recognized since long ago by Big Daddy up there...
My heart suddenly long to stand and sing praise for Him...

This reading suddenly struck me so hard, soaked deeply into my tiny little soul...

"Large crowds came to him, bringing with them the lame, the blind. the crippled, the dumb, and many other sick people, whom they placed at Jesus' feet; and he healed them. The people were amazed as they saw the dumb speaking, the cripple walking, and the blind seeing; and they praised the God"

Matt 15:30-31

No matter what religious or non-religious group you are belong to, it's never wrong to believe and have faith. I pray the peace that I feel at the moment will reach you... That you're also able to humble your heart and thank God for everything (this is applied for everyone! no matter faith you are belong to...)

Peace Be With You....

-Miss B-

Looking for Some other Eden

It's funny how temptation approaches us sometimes. It just feels so real, as if nothing is wrong and comes in a very relaxing way. Last night, I felt like Eve from Eden. Yeah, in my beautiful Eden, (all of sudden) lives a serpent. Sweet, charming and a master in enticing game. I was lucky enough to have you, living in me for the whole time. The thought of you strengthen me to turn down the forbidden fruit.

If only Eve was lucky enough to have You in her mind, she and Adam might be still in Eden watching sunrise together...

The Bard of Avon

Sonnet 116

-William Shakespeare-

Let me not to the marriage of true minds

Admit impediments. Love is not love

Which alters when it alteration finds,

Or bends with the remover to remove:

O, no! it is an ever-fixed mark,

That looks on tempests and is never shaken;

It is the star to every wandering bark,

Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.

Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks

Within his bending sickle's compass come;

Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,

But bears it out even to the edge of doom.

If this be error and upon me proved,

I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

***

Sometimes I just miss to learn sonnet. Now, looking for Edmund Spenser's.

-Miss B-

Early Morn Shine

Children,
Say After Me:

I am a SUPERNOVA!

Now stop hating your lives.

-Miss B-

After All, Life is Unpredictable!

My friends always tell me that I shouldn't cry over spilled milk. And surely, Jesus doesn't want me to hate my life for He has suffered and died for me on the cross. I should have been thankful. Everything happens for reason. Life is beautiful. I should enjoy it and be happy.

Whoa, that sounds so light. I wish I could embrace all those inspirational quotes without worrying too much about tomorrow. How I wish... But as usual, easy said than done.

Yup, I'm having the "I wish I did that..." moment now. Regretting myself for something that i couldn't change. This monologue happens in my mind now.

- I wish I could turn back the time and correct everything.
+ Correct everything?
- Yeah... Don't you see it? I shouldn't *********(this is applied to be private and confidential) that day.
+ HELLO! How could you tell that you'll CORRECT everything if you could turn back the time? How do you know that will be the best decision you would ever make?
- Well, I don't know... I thought that would be the best one...
+ See??? You thought that would be the best one... You ain't sure about it. Hey, why don't you just take it from this way? Just assume that you've done the right decision! Who knows even if you've decided the other one, you probably wish that you've done what you had done that day...
- What if this is not the one?
+ Well, you've gotta find out somehow... Don't you worry too much, they'll be more opportunity ahead...
- What if there's none?
+ You are worrying too much! Don't you think that you probably miss another opportunity while you're regretting your decision???
- Yeah, you're right...
+ Cheer up, girl... the world is for you to discover...
- I hope so...

***

The conversation didn't completely ease my disappointment.. But i feel much better...

-Miss B-

Karma

I'm suffocated, gasping for air...
I wonder if you notice it..
Do you know how it feels when guilt is encumbering you?
And still there you are,
your ghost is lingering,
haunting me every night...

I see you every where,
and your presence draws me to hurt others..
My heart is bleeding at the thought of it...

-Little E-

Hush, Little Baby...

Have you ever woken up from a long nightmare and suddenly heard a little voice saying that "this is karma"...

I feel like a little girl who's awake in the dark, waiting for mummy and daddy to hug her, who'll hush her telling that everything's gonna be okay...
I fear it...
I know I never made myself a good person most of the time... And often I admit how I can be so wrong sometimes... And yeah, I regret every err I've ever done...

And now the pang of the past is biting me...
Is this karma?

I need a soul to hold me...

-Little E-

the final fling

you come and you go

like the wilted weed blown by autumn breeze...

I dare not ask you to leave,

nor wish you to stay...

the words in my empty mind remain unspoken

because we are left heartbroken

and the world is fleeing to a new season..

if only time is for loan,

maybe i won't feel too alone...

i bid you farewell...

and wish that the tears dropping on the seashell

will soon be washed by the great ocean..

-Little E-

To future.

I thought once I left the land, I would be able to flee from troubles. Who knows I am now in another land of troubles. I'm sorry, dear children. I never wish to picture that life is unbearable. There are hardships along the path, but you'll learn a lot of things through pain. Don't you worry children, I'll always pray for the best for you.

***

How I wish I were a baby.

-Little E-

A Letter

I'm not a saint. I told you many times about it.
It's so hard to be the protagonist, yet I don't want to be the opposite one.
My tiny little faith is tempted. My flesh is weak.
I'm trapped, and I couldn't find the way out.

I was looking for your face to hand me a hand. But you were seen no where.
And here I'm now, stranded in a strange place with tears as my company.
My hair is disheveled and I need my comb back.

I call for you.
You.

-Little E-

False Start

I'm trying my best to boost up my confidence; to feel good at what I'm doing.

In other words, I want to love myself.

So, this morning before everything started, I wrote down "I love myself" on a piece of paper. It was meant to remind myself that I'm a priceless work of art, created to spice up the world and make it a more wonderful place. It was a perfect vibe to start the beginning and I was loving it.

Then, something happened. I was so nervous. I couldn't believe that I spoke up in front of quite-a-lot of people. I was trembling for words and I couldn't think of any. My grammar was frantic. My head was in chaos. My heart was exploding as if I had just forced tons of trinitrotoluene into my lung. It was ridiculous. Yet, it was inexorable. Arrggg!! I almost wanted to change my previous written statement to "I HATE myself!!!

I hate it when I couldn't express myself well. I despise the fact that I'm lack of lexical content and that I couldn't find a way to associate my idea with a better communication skill.

I always feel disappointed for I would be cut off before I could even finish my sentence.

I'm trying my best to catch up.

-Miss B-

ps; today is Polar Bear's Big Day. Have a great one, dear!