All I want for Christmas is...

Merry Christmas, folks!

Like a little girl, I've been always looking forward to my Christmas present.

And I always dream about one thing...

And I really wish that I’ll get it for this Christmas.

I want…

An ability to write expressively, eloquently, with every grammar on its right place!

*shutting my eyes praying*

ooh, one more thing… I’m so in love with “The History of Love” by Nicole Krauss (thanks to Grace!) It was written so beautifully… reading every word is as if listening to Beethoven’s symphonies! I could dance for hours! I love flipping every page with the wonder of a child! And I really wish I could write like Krauss.....

Keep trying, Me!

-Miss B-

They call me 'Gaara'

It's Christmas eve, and tomorrow is the day of love and joyful: Christmas.

Merry Xmas to everyone who celebrates it! May you be blessed with joy! Let's thank God for everything!

It's Christmas, and like I say, it's a time of love.

But I regret myself for couldn't get rid of hatred, disappointment, and all negative feelings that should never dwell upon the heart for a time like this.

While I was doing my laundry just now, my mind wandered and suddenly some faces appeared, like a slideshow in my head, and everything that they had done --> hurtful things, started to play on the big screen of my mental head... And those hurtful things, which once they did to me, cut me again. I cursed and cursed. Cursed at those people. Cursed at myself, who couldn't erase the memory.

It was not their fault entirely. Had I known how to behave back then, things might have been different. I admit that I have a problem with behavior too. I was proud (I'm not sure if I'm still one), and definitely I had problem in bonding with others. Maybe that's why everyone had problem with me. Maybe that's why they stayed away, and I learned to create my own 'safety pavement' --> I played with the same rule: stayed away from those who stayed away from me.

I really wish that I could erase those memories. And forgive those faces. God knows how hard I'm trying. And yet.

They say that time will heal, and erase all painful memory.

I beg Time to work twice better on me.

I want to start clean...

and celebrate this season with a joyful pure heart. without hatred. without those painful memory which urge me to take revenge.

Come in clean.

-Miss B-

Larger than life

You could say I live in denial, I suppose.

Because though I'm in my early twenties, I feel I'm no older than a 12 year-old girl, who dreams nothing but being a kid.

"I'm not an adult yet. I'm still 'growing-up'..." That's what I think most of the time.

And when I have to do things that adults do, such as making decision, I'll feel awkward. I could feel my hand shaking and my leg ready to run without turning back.

and yet, I envy those who are mature though they are too young to be one. Those who seem to know their responsibility, and could stand on their own feet.

I wish I could be more firm, to know what I want and how to earn it.

-Miss B-

Me, an update

Hello folks! Sorry for the long hiatus! I'm back to my hometown, but the internet connection does not allow me to go online most of the time... Now I'm writing (or you could say, typing) this from Polar Bear's home. He got a quite-good connection (it's much better than mine)...

An update from me so far...

I'm a jobless person, depending on my parents to feed me, while me--lazying around (if such phrase does exist) in the house doing nothing... Ooo, I did do something... I help out with the chores (only if I feel like to) hee...

I'm still looking for something to inspire me in writing my second blog... My English is getting worst! I rarely speak the language at home (we all speak in our mother tongue) But, I've been reading some novels and it's good for my vocabs...

I guess that's all for the time being...
Ooo, we're all busy with Christmas celebration... wee!!!

Talk to you again later!

-Miss B-