Hello again, it's been long since my last 'hello'.. Sorry for the long hiatus. For the last three months I was bogged down with lesson planning and other things pertaining to being a teacher. It was definitely a long hectic period, like a pricking cacophony of stress and works.
I didn't immerse myself in thoughts and let words say them all for so long, yes, I miss it being here. I miss being the ranting Miss B, who could complain about every single thing that happens in life.
So yeah, if you're still interested in finding out what I've been up to since few months ago, I would try to fill you in in this very entry.
First, I wouldn't attend my own graduation which hurt me so bad after 5 years and half of hassle and hard works. Blame it on the fact that I'm penniless. In fact, now I live on my parents' goodwill. Almost every cent that I'm spending now belong to them. To depend on scholarship alone won't suffice. Especially now when photocopying and printing are so synonym to my life as a student teacher on practicum.
Second, my supervisor told me that I've improved my classroom management, yay to that! I tell you, it wasn't easy to 'find' myself as a teacher. Conflicts arose because of the divergence of my personal thoughts of teaching and the real situation. They didn't fit perfectly, and thus I have to alter and modify my teaching philosophy here and there in order to meet the demand of the classroom. Mind you, I become more fierce lately. No more the meek Miss B, who pupils can laugh at behind my back. Well, I don't want to be a monster but what could I do, situation make me to. :(
Third, the semester is moving towards the end and soon I would part with my darling coursemates for almost 6 years! I'm so gonna miss them for good and bad time that we've been through together. I hope I wouldn't lose contact with them. In fact, I've started missing them already!
Fourth, I attended a talk on goal setting recently and I would consider it as a good start for me to take adulthood more seriously. Yes, all this while I've never considered myself as a grown-up because I don't feel like one. I feel like a small child but I'm not Peter Pan. I don't live in Neverland. I grow biologically and soon or later I'll be counting grey hair on my head and think about how to hide visible wrinkles on my face. I have to grow up despite the fact that I feel so young at heart T_T. I've written some of my adulthood goals in my journal and now I'm thinking on how to accomplish them. I pray that my goals are in accordance with His will.
Fifth, I'm closer to my pupils and start to feel more comfortable around them. They are adorable but some of them come from broken families, which is quite sad because they have so much potential to offer. If only I could, I would love to adopt some of them. They deserve the best and no lesser than the rest.
Sixth, though after practicum phase I wouldn't need to think about lesson planning, my schedule for post-practicum is actually quite packed. I have two dinners to attend in one month, and sadly my financial lack denies me from getting pretty dresses and accessories! I couldn't help pitying myself, these two are the final dinners for us as final year students. I deserve to look presentable like Cinderella and Snow White (okay, that's a bit exaggerating)! But you know what I mean! This situation forced me to call my parents, begging for their mercy to send me some 'emergency' fund with the promise of paying them back once I get a job. It's a sad, so sad, very, sad situation!
Seventh, I miss Polar Bear everyday even if he sulked almost everyday because I didn't get to call/ pick up his call/spend more time with him due to workloads and busy-ness as a
socialite student with a social life. Blame it on the workload, dear. And my phone credit that is always depleting. I can't wait to see your serious face again (especially when you're driving)! And also when you buy me lunch and ice-creams and doughnut and white coffee and etc etc etc... :P
I think that's all so far. Regret it? Because Miss B is back and you're going to read her rant and babble again! Till later (which is very soon, I suppose), folks! Take care and be good!
Ps, when you are down and feel like good for nothing, breathe and meditate on this...
"I'm fearfully and wonderfully made"
Yes, God has made you so wonderful and you're more than a living creature in this planet. You're a vessel for Him to channel His glory!
"...wonderful are Your works, and my soul knows it full well" (Ps 139: 14)
-Miss B-
