The Great Getaway

Hi all...
I am widely awake!
I couldn't force myself to Dreamland although after a long conversation with Polar Bear... He had tried his best to lullaby me and though he succeeded for the first few minutes, I was back to my insomnia being as soon as he said good night...
Bad me.

Owh, I should have been working on my assignments... Yet I'm procrastinating in front of my computer screen... Thinking how boring my life would be without procrastination.. Weird, I know...

Since I've started, then I'm going to procrastinate to the fullest! Yeah! (No children, again, you're not allowed to follow my example. Now go work on your homework)

Let me introduce you to my newly discovered liking... Children Picture Book!!!
Last week I bought some from a secondhand book sale and one of them has become my favourite! It's always there, waiting for me whenever I need a bedtime story...

It's a book by Gyo Fujikawa!

and I get to know about the tiny little creatures that decorate children's world...



Teru and Chi-chan, the first Japanese fairy!

Reference:

Fujikawa, G. (1979) Come follow me to the secret world of elves and fairies and gnomes and trolls. New York: Grosset & Dunlap Publishers

-Miss B-

The Big S Control

Case 1
I was sitting in front of my computer and all of a sudden the idea of getting a new handphone struck my head. It was simply because of my dissatisfaction with my current Nokia 1325 (I couldn't lock too many alarm!). Plus, the idea of having a new fancy phone with camera and cool ringtones lured me. So, I ended up spending minutes to hours browsing about new/used cheap handphone over the net. Time+Energy--> Wasted

Case 2
I was walking in a shopping mall one day and I couldn't see well because of my eyesight problem. Oh well, I forgot to bring my spectacles, and the irony part is I have two pairs at home! The first one looks quite cool and thus becomes my favorite. However, I happened to drop it one day and it was spoiled a little. The lens was scratched and it blurred my vision. I rarely wear it nowadays. What a waste! The second one looks too nerdy for me. So I kinda dislike wearing it.
The idea of getting a new spectacles was dancing in my head. Thus again I spent my time to sit in front of the computer to browse about new spectacles online. Time and energy --> double wasted.

Case 3
I kinda fear walking to the town. You'll think me ridiculous if I tell you the reason. Okay, one thing you have to know about me is I am what people call as the "Prodigal Daughter" a.k.a SHOPAHOLIC! Well, maybe not a real one because a prodigal daughter will make a repentant return at last (Dictionary, 2007) but in my case, I never succeed! I am well aware that I shouldn't be spendthrift, that I should think about saving money for the sake of my future, emergency case and so on... I could come up with a long list on why I shouldn't spend my money extravagantly in irresponsible way... but... I just couldn't resist the desire... It's too strong, enchanting... and like a person under a spell, I succumb into the temptation of ALMOST every SALE in the street... (cough cough!) Wasting my time, my energy and my MONEY.....


I use to mourn for every penny lessened from my bank account *sob*sob*
It's throbbing my chest, pining my head to think that I have to live with a less balance before my next pay banked in into my account.. I am so stress in calculating and planing my budget... *sigh*

I need a SELF-CONTROL.
Children, don't follow my example. It sucks. and NOT COOL at all.

-Miss B-

Acrophobia

I feel like shutting down everything.
Dropping everything that I'm doing at the moment.
To freeze and to be still.

...and to listen to Espen Lind's Scared of Height. I'm soO loving it!
It feels like summer's on my palm, with bird's chirping around my ear, and butterfly's dancing on my nose!
and I feel like singing along! "You lift me up into the sky...."

***
Scared Of Heights
by Espen Lind

I have always been the type to think before I speak
I have always been the type to look before I leap
And like a bolt out of the blue I was struck and there was you
For a moment I believed that I could let go

You lift me up into the sky
Felt like I could fly
never gonna die
and I almost made it but not quite
Now you're flying out of sight
and you know I can't come with you
I'll always be scared of heights
always be scared of heights

I didn't think I'd meet someone who'd make me change my ways
Never thought I'd find someone who'd brighten up my days
Someone who made me forget
my hands were tied
my wings were clipped
Someone who made me believe that I could let go

You lift me up into the sky
I felt like I could fly
I was never gonna die
and I almost made it but not quite
you're flying out of sight
and you know I can't come with you
'cause I'll always be scared of heights
scared of heights

Wish I never knew how great it feels up in the air
Wish I never got to feel the wind blow through my hair
Well, in my dreams you'll always be flying high along with me
and in my dreams I'll always feel that I can let go

You lift me up into the sky
I feel like I can fly
I'm never gonna die
and I almost made it but not quite
now you're flying out of sight
and now I can't come with you
'cause I'll always be scared of heights
***

Such a beautiful song... He makes "acrophobia" sound normal...

-Miss B-

Craving for self-respect

I'm sorry dear children,
for this past few days I've been feeling so down and thus it effects my attitude to be so negative...
I hate to face others without smile on my face...
I hate to be so demotivated and yet I couldn't help but sighing all the time whenever depression strikes me...

I use to belittle myself, lack of self-esteem and confidence. Almost about everything.
The truth is, I am afraid of hoping for the best, to tell the world "I can do it" only to know that I'm losing in the next moment..

It hurts to know that you lose something that you really hope to be true

When I was a little kid, I told myself that I would score well in my examination. The next time when the result was out, I found out that I didn't.
I was so devastated.
Thenceforth I never get the courage to hope for the best and I'm stuck to that attitude until now.
It sucks.

I wanna be positive. To think and To act positively. But most of the time it turns to be the other way round.

Maybe I just don't know how be one... To think and to act positively..
I'm yet to discover.

-Miss B-

Learned Helplessness

I am no longer the person I used to be

Everything starts to fade away

The feeling, the zeal...

The dream...

Everything seems unreachable

Everything seems impossible

My world now feels so cold

Without the heat of inspiration...

Without the light of motivation...


I don't know which way I am going to follow

I am stranded in the middle of no where

I lose my direction

I am defeated


Where's my fireflies?

- Little E-

In the middle of no where

Dizzy + Nausea = Put me into a difficult situation to continue working on my assignments.

To make things worse, I'm having what scholars call as "writer's block" now (If you don't know about this, kindly Google it yourself)

And at the same time, I have problem on coherent and cohesion.

I have no idea how I am going to solve this.

I have to finish my essay before tomorrow ends. I have to.

Inspiration, why don't you just come and drop on me like the pouring rain?

-Miss B-

Oh no, you got me wrong!

I hate it when I can't express my thoughts well...
I wish I am fluent enough to get the message across...

To all negative consequences resulting from the misunderstood message, I say, BRING IT ON!
I'll take the responsibility.

-Miss B-

Thinking about my thinking

There were so many times in my life where I felt unwelcome and rejected. I would never understand the reason behind it. It was really discouraging and hurtful. As long as I remember, I had tried my best to be nice to everyone...

I remember a friend of mine told me once: "we, humans, will never be able to please everyone because, we, humans, are never satisfied with everyone"

As far as I have learned, humans have been scattered all over the world and developed their own characters along the way. We see things based on our own values and beliefs. What one thinks the best may not be good enough for someone else. It's weird. Yeah, it is... because we have the same proportion of DNA, yet we are so different from each other.

Maybe that's why I think we, humans are created to complement each other. The shoddy part of our beings would be fixed by others' perfect quality. We are born to scaffold each other in order to be beautiful...

I will never get enough of knowledge...

-Miss B-

Wakey wakey Miss B!

I screwed up. I woke up late and missed my 8 am class. I felt so guilty. Therefore, I'm gonna buy myself an alarm clock, no matter you like it or not. My phone is not really working... I mean, it's functioning well but I guess I still need a second alarm.

My week has been crazy lately, with a lot of assignments urging me to burn the midnight oil every night. There was one night where I stayed up till the next morning!

I'm thinking of enrolling a course called Science, Children and Play... I had had enough of not-really-interactive Science teachers, and I don't wish to be one... I hope my children won't find me boring, that they will always anticipate for my class...

-Miss B-

For old time's sake...

It feels so warm thinking about having a cup of tea, sitting next to the window, counting every drop of rain, and feeling the breeze of wind on my face... while listening to this song...

All the love in the world
by The Corrs

I'm not looking for someone to talk to
I've got my friend, I'm more than O.K.
I've got more than a girl could wish for
I live my dreams but it's not all they say
Still I believe, I'm missing something real
I need someone who really sees me...

Don't wanna wake up alone anymore
Still believing you'll walk through my door
All I need is to know it's for sure
Then I'll give... all the love in the world

I've often wondered if love's an illusion
Just to get you through the loneliest days
I can't criticize it
I have no hesitation
My imagination just stole me away
Still I believe
I'm missing something real
I need someone who really sees me...

Don't wanna wake up alone anymore
Still believing you'll walk through my door
All I need is to know it's for sure
Then I'll give... all the love in the world

Love's for a lifetime not for a moment
So how could I throw it away
Yeah I'm only human
And nights grow colder
With no-one to love me that way
Yeah I need someone who really sees me...

And i won't wake up alone anymore
Still believing you'll walk through my door
You'll reach for me and I'll know it's for sure
Then I'll give all the love in the world
***

-Miss B-

When she's tense...

I hate it when I am too demotivated to do my work...

I feel powerless, my muscles ache...

I've been procrastinating since three hours ago without being productive at all!

-Miss B-

Me, The Weirdo

My life has been hectic lately!
with heaps of assignments!!!
Call me weird, but I kinda enjoy it...
It gives me satisfaction whenever I manage to complete my work...

I reach the level where I now believe that I'm called to do this...
This is "the nudge", this is the vocation...
Of course it's not always rainbows and butterflies,
because obstacle is a part of the game..
BUT we humans are learning through perseverance!

What am I doing? Yeah naaa... I hope I didn't make you bored...
Get to work, Miss B!

-Miss B-

Soulmate

This song makes my day... It keeps on playing in my head...

Gotta Be Somebody (Nickelback)

This time, I wonder what it feels like
To find the one in this life, the one we all dream of
But dreams just aren't enough
So I'll be waiting for the real thing, I'll know it by the feeling
The moment when we're meeting, will play out like a scene
Straight off the silver screen
So I'll be holding my own breath, right up 'til the end
Until that moment when, I find the one that I'll spend forever with

Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
There's gotta be somebody for me like that
Cause nobody wants to do it on their own
And everyone wants to know they're not alone
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there

Tonight, out on the street, out in the moonlight
And dammit this feels too right, it's just like deja vu
Me standing here with you
So I'll be holding my own breath, could this be the end
Is it that moment when, I find the one that I'll spend forever with

Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
There's gotta be somebody for me like that
Cause nobody wants to do it on their own
And everyone wants to know they're not alone
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there

You can't give up, looking for a diamond in the rough
You never know, when it shows up, make sure you're holding on
Cause it could be the one, the one you're waiting on
Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
And everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
There's gotta be somebody for me,

Nobody wants to do it on their own
And everyone wants to know their not alone
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there
Nobody wants to be the last one there
Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there

-Miss B-

I wish someone can massage my back :(

I have to remind myself...
"I'm fearfully and wonderfully made..."

I have heaps of things on my head right now and it goes down to my shoulder. I feel like my brain is going to drop at my feet. The pressure is unbearable, I need an inhaler.

-Miss B-

A woman called "Mom"

Been a little occupied today.
But I hope I'm not too late to wish
a Happy Mother's Day to all the ladies in the world!

I know some of you may think "I'm not yet a mom, how could you wish me a happy mother's day?"

My point here is, one day you may grow up and touch another human's life. That's what a mom does, give and touch life.

I wish I'm gonna be a good one.

aww, tell you one thing,
I actually wished my mom earlier... and this year, I took the opportunity to wish Polar Bear's mom as well... :P

Dear Moms, *wink*wink*
I thank you for everything that you guys have done in our lives (Polar Bear's and mine)
You guys are the best! Stay pretty and lovely!
We love you and God bless you always!

-Miss B-

She Will Be Loved...

I always love this song by Maroon 5...

Beauty queen of only eighteen
She had some trouble with herself
He was always there to help her
She always belonged to someone else

I drove for miles and miles
And wound up at your door
I've had you so many times
but somehow I want more

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved

Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful
I know I tend to get so insecure
It doesn't matter anymore

It's not always rainbows and butterflies
It's compromise that moves us along,
My heart is full and my door's always open
You can come anytime you want

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved

I know where you hide
Alone in your car
Know all of the things that make you who you are
I know that goodbye means nothing at all
Comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls

Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved

Please don't try so hard to say goodbye
Please don't try so hard to say goodbye
I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Try so hard to say goodbye

-Little E-

"Sharing ain't boring"

I woke up this morning feeling as if I have the whole world on my shoulder. I felt extremely burdened. I went to bathroom and broke down under the showering water, feeling almost suffocated.

I was so distressed.
and I hate myself so much.
I despised all my imperfect beings.
I regretted all the stupid things I have ever done.

I felt so small.
I felt so inferior and vulnerable.

But then,
I breathed slowly (I didn't know where did I get such strength), and started humming softly... almost unheard...
"Everything's gonna be all right... Everything's gonna be fine..."
I repeated the mantra for over and over...
and the burden seemed lifted up bit by bit...

My point here is, no matter how difficult a situation can be, you have to find your inner strength back... It's not easy... Sometimes you have to try so many times in order to do so...
You have to decide on your own... because no one knows yourself better than you do. Seek for help, if you need to... Pray for wisdom, for ultimately you still have to decide...

-Miss B-