Let's love and risk it all!

Hello folks!

I don't have any assignment that due in two or three days and thus I don't have the urge to blog. Funny, eh? I would be dying to blog only when I have heaps of things to be done but when I have all the time in the world, this page is left alone... No, not that I'm neglecting this page... but you see, idea only hits me when I'm in the middle of finishing assignment... maybe because I have my writer's hat on during that time... and that's why idea comes and raise my urge to blog!

You know what happened in these fast few days? On Monday, I submitted the third copy of my assignment. Been up the whole night before to re-modify the previous copies. I was seriously frustrated with my very first copy of essay. It was a total rubbish! Coming to think about it, I've just realized that I've become more perfectionist in my work. And I become panic when I'm out of control! There you go, B! You've got the best reason to start working a wayyyyyy earlier next time so you have more time to 'perfection-ize' your assignment! My lecturer didn't accept the third copy though, but at least she agreed to mark the second one. I'm thrilled!

I was working in a new stadium recently and it was a great time! I worked with other people and it was a perfect opportunity to improve my English. I was a bit nervous when my supervisor moved me to the alcohol booth outside the building. I would be helping out the cashier to uncap the beer cans and fetch drinks from the fridge as customers want them. The funny part was, I was clueless when the cashier asked me to get a bottle of wine from the fridge. He told me the brand but I didn't know which one. I'd gotta ask my work-mate to help me as I wasn't familiar with alcohol brand... Interesting, though! The weather turned a bit chilly and became more unbearable as time passed... At the end of my shift I barely felt my fingers! My staff jacket did not keep me warm enough! But, I had fun :)

Oh, I'm such a chatter. Maybe I should stop now. But I would like to leave you all with a song that I've been listening to quite a lot lately...

It's Natasha Beddingfield's A Little Too Much

Stay in love, peeps!

-Miss B-

Ludwig

And tonight you were missing again...

How I wish the moon were here, at least...

It would be like staring into your eyes...

Where I see a mysterious light

that's beaming through your soul..

It was deep, and darkened by your past...

I wish I've known you better...

I could have dance together

and so you wouldn't have to jive alone..

I'm listening to your breath again...

Through the song you've written centuries ago...

When you were forlorn

abandoned by she who was so dear to you...

And to the moon you played your best pieces

For no one would know better..

Let every string trembles upon the sound of your soul

Let the key unfold the untold tale

Let the moon cries again

listening to you, the forsaken lover..

-Little E-

I blog when I'm unhappy :(

I know I didn't do well in my essay although I haven't got my result yet. I hope my lecturer would be gracious enough to award me with 'pass'. I feel so down now... I had no time to proof-read my essay yesterday. And I've just realized that I didn't complete one of my sentence, and that was where I quoted my marker's study. I feel like crying!

To top it all, I tried to prepare myself a dessert. A tasty one that would melt away all the depression... But I failed. The whipped cream did not turn well. I feel like crying again!

I feel like a REAL loser... I really need a sense of accomplishment. I need to feel like I MANAGE to do something.

-The Unhappy Miss B-

Contextualizing the text

For the first time, I feel so nervous tackling my assignment: an essay on gender issues in education. There's a lot of things going on in my mind, such as how I'm going to understand the articles, how I'm going to start my essay, and of course what my lecturer's response would be. She's presented her research on gender issues in many conferences. I'm sure that this is her thing. Thus, that fact makes me nervous. I'm afraid that she'll find my arguments childish and immature.

In fact, I rarely have a clue on what's going on in lectures. I gape at the sound of bombastic terms that my lecturer seems to attach to. I find it hardly to blink the moment I see alien lexicon on the slides shown. I keep on asking, how am I going to survive???

I really struggle a lot. I felt I've made a lot of efforts but to little avail. I'm so pessimistic lately when it comes to this paper. Undeniably, it's an interesting subject, an eye-opener to a newbie like me... For I'm quite oblivious of the current gender issues in education. In fact, the issues raised were not merely about sexuality or the oppression of women. It takes deeper concerns. Sometimes it happens the other way round. Men are at stake as well in term of opportunity. But of course, there is a lot of debates going on from both perspective of feminism and anti-feminism.

I haven't started typing yet. I have less than 48 hours to complete it all and there're heaps of pages to go (I've re-read them for like hundreds times!)

Wish me luck,

-Miss B-

The best time to blog is when you have a lot of works waiting... Sigh~

I'm such a nerd. When my housemate told me this morning that it was snowing, I felt like crying. If it continues till tomorrow, it means my session with my tutor the next day will be cancelled! I haven't started my 2500 words essay on gender issues. The readings are alien! I don't understand most of the terms, and thus I really can't afford to miss seeing my tutor tomorrow morning. I need her help to unravel the whole thing.

I know I should let my hair down a bit. Relax B, I told myself. So I walked to sunset mass this evening. It was white all over. Despite it being windy, I enjoyed watching the sky turning red, and flakes of snow falling from above. It was beautiful. I hummed and had this content

smile on my face.

I wish I had my camera with me. I should have brought my 5mp phone. Though it may not capture the landscape as good as an dslr, I would have still taken a quite decent photo for this page...

When I came back from the mass, I received an email from my tutor informing that the session tomorrow would still go on regardless the weather condition. Yay!

So, I don't really mind even if it snows all night long :)

I took this photo with my webcam while Skyping with Polar Bear this morning.

Just to show him another fantastic thing about being in NZ :)

Polar Bear's grandma was hospitalized yesterday. I pray that she's doing fine and that the whole family never give up hope. May they keep strong and unified throughout this time.

God bless you all.

-Miss B-

Electrifying

I'm so into classical music recently... Mozart, Bach, Vivaldi, etc...

Polar Bear commented on how my music taste's been improved when I told him I was listening to Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata. Goodness gracious! What does that suppose to mean? I always have a quite decent taste in music... *tongue in cheek*

Right now, Hana's Eyes by Maksim Mrvica's playing in head...

This song was written by a contemporary composer Tonci Huljic. I love the background vocal, it gives me goose bumps on the back of my neck every time I listen to it...

Oh well, gotta go back to work...

-Miss B-

Distant

I'm not a huge fan of Justin Bieber, but my sister is. I don't blame her, I was a teenager once and was obsessed with young pop star as well. She would play Bieber's songs over and over without fail.

Being million miles away from home makes me miss her. So I googled this song and found it on Youtube.

"Down to Earth" by Justin Bieber

ohhh,ohhh,oh
I never thought that it'd be easy,
Cause we're both so distant now,
And the walls are closing in on us and we're wondering how,
No one has a solid answer,
But just walking in the dark,
And you can see the look on my face, it just tears me apart.

So we fight, (so we fight)
Through the hurt, (through the hurt)
And we cry and cry and cry and cry,
And we live, (and we live)
And we learn, (and we learn)
And we try and try and try and try!

So its up to you, (oh)
And its up to me, (yeah)
and we meet in the middle, on our way back down to earth,
Down to earth, down to earth, down to earth
On our way back down to earth,
Back down to earth x8

Mommy, you were always somewhere,
And Daddy, I live out of town,
So tell me how could I ever be, normal somehow?
You tell me this is for the best,
So tell me why am I in tears?
(Woo) so far away and now I just need you here,

So we fight, (so we fight)
Through the hurt, (through the hurt)
And we cry and cry and cry and cry,
And we live, (and we live)
And we learn, (and we learn)
And we try and try and try and try

So its up to you,
And its up to me,
And we meet in the middle, on our way back down to earth,
Down to earth x3

On our way back down to earth, (on our way back down to earth)
Back down to earth x8


I felt so far away,
From where we used to be,
And now we're standing,
And where do we go,
when there's is no road (no road)
to get to your heart?
Lets start over again!

So it's up to you,
And it's up to me,
And we meet in the middle, on our way back down to earth,
Down to earth, (down to earth)
Down to earth,
On our way back down to earth,

I never thought that it'd be easy,
Cause we're both so distant now,
And the walls are closing in on us and we're wondering how?

***

Not bad, eh?

-Miss b-

Saturday rant

Browsing Facebook is like flipping a newspaper. You learn a lot of things from people's status on your notification wall. I must thank Mark Zuckerburg for initiating the social network. It's like subscribing to an alive magazines and it's free!

So I started my saturday morning by logging into my facebook account. I found out about A's breakfast, B's favourite songs, C's mood and so on. But what surprised me the most was E and F's marriage and they are now proud parents! Relying on my stalking skill, I browsed even further and managed to see their wedding photos (I didn't know when and where the reception were). I was not that closed to them, but it was as if just yesterday I saw them in their primary school uniform and now they've grown up, got married, and become proud parents...

Truth suddenly dawned on me: I'm aging. I'm no longer a teenager, the youthful girl with ponytail hair running around the school. It feels like just yesterday, but the fact is I've left high school for almost 7 years already!

Most people of my age have got married. Some are now working and have finished their degree or diploma. They've grown up. And I'm still in denial, that I have all the time in the world before I reach the age of adulthood.

I talked to my girlfriends about marriage recently. I found it a funny topic, yet scary, to discuss. To get married means you're not only marrying the person who would become your husband or wife, but also the responsibilities that come along the way. The family-in-law, for example. Looking on the bright side, you get a new family. But... what if I'm not good enough, not up to the expectation, and what frightens me the most is... what if I'm not able to fit in?

Maybe sometimes, I should lessen my stalking activity.

-Miss B-

Because of you

By heart, he's been there the whole time.

But I never really thank him for all of the things he's done for me.

And for this opportunity, I want him, a faithful reader of mine, to know that I really appreciate him for being my rock through and through.

I'm blessed :)

-Miss B-

To show that you're care

Been sick and bedridden. I felt so alone confined in a four wall room. Mom's been calling asking how I've been. And I feel like going home for nowhere in this world would ever feel home but under her care. And Dad's. and with my brother and sisters around me. I miss them terribly.

I hate being sick for it makes me succumb to reality that I'm helpless. I used to believe that I'm a capable person, that I'm so independent and of course, I can live on my own. But situation like this proves me wrong. That yes, I need help. I need people to tend me.

Being sick myself reminds me of my ignorance. How many people around me who have fallen sick but I never pay them a visit?

***

I don't feel like going to class yet, but I don't want to miss more lessons.

-Miss B-