Just another Saturday

Few years back, I would never picture myself sitting on the table, browsing for job vacancy over the net while nibbling girlguide biscuit. I always thought that I'd be content with the way I am, especially when it comes to financial matter.

Now, I've reached a phase in my life where I start to worry about part time job and extra income. The allowance provided isn't sufficient enough for an ambitious student like me. I want to do a lot of things while the opportunity lasts. But I always have an issue with what you call as "Financial Barrier". Sigh, if only I were born with a silver spoon in mouth...

If you think of me as a materialistic person, you're deadly wrong. Though I don't deny the fact that I'm in a great need of extra cash in my pocket, money is still not the main reason I'm after job. I want the experience, and that's one of the thing that money can't buy.

I shall not be weary even if those potential employers don't get back to me. I know the Big Guy up there will always provide for me. And should the jobs are meant for me, they will ultimately come to me.

And I could probably start dreaming about skydiving by then... *wink*

-Miss B-

The Day When You Should Be Merry!

Oh dear, I hate glooming this page with depressing posts especially on the day when Prince William, the future reigning monarch of England, ties the knot!

I should be merry for Kate Middleton, the commoner who is soon joining the royal family!

Congratulation, Your Highness! Wishing you the best of life today and in the days to come!

Photo taken from The Telegraph

-Miss B-

Haunted

If you're looking for a word to describe me, maybe you can consider "pessimist".

I'm aware that my confidence has grown a bit these past few years... But sometimes insecurity won't just happy to leave me alone...

I'm haunted by my inadequacy, I feel unaccomplished.

Something like if others get 'tick' for five times, I only manage to get two.

I know I should have been more grateful. But I just can't help it sometimes.

I wish I outgrow this feeling soon.

-Miss B-

Find me

You know how it feels like drowning, so worn out, you feel like crying but all you can do is staring blankly at the wall? You head feels empty, you try to recall but you can't. It's just void. Vacant.

I’m just emotionally unwell.

I told you so many times on how much I hate goodbye, even if I’m still gonna see you few months later.

Or at least from the monitor screen.

I hate the fact that distance does us apart.

How I wish I could fly.

But I’m just a mere mortal who wants to hear your heartbeat, and feel warm in your arm.

-Little Eden-

Take a Bow

When I was a little girl, I listened to Madonna's 'Take a bow'. I always remember it as a beautiful song, though I understood nothing on the lyric...

And just now, the song suddenly came back into my head and I couldn't resist it but to hum the tune. I took an initiative to google the song after that, and yup, it's accessible through the Youtube.

I looked at the lyric, which I used to know by heart despite the fact that I didn't understand a thing long time ago. And now when my English lexicon has expanded, things become much clearer. Every word is indeed beautiful! Though the lyric talked more about heart-breaking relationship, frustration, and thus bidding the lover farewell for the persona couldn't take it any longer.

It's my lullaby tonight :)

-Miss B-

When I'm worn out inside out

I feel so vulnerable. I've tried my best to act like a mature adult, who definitely knows what to do whenever problem arises...

I'm in a big trouble... and I feel so hopeless and helpless...

How I wish to never give up on miracle... sigh...

-Little E-

Teacher, in the making

I've tried my best to discipline myself lately, and started to regard myself as a teacher. I'm becoming one, I told myself. I try to make sense of almost everything from a teacher perspective. Even when I read the Bible, I'll look for a point on how I can apply it in my future teaching practice.

When Polar Bear told me this morning that he didn't mind going to work a bit later so he could talk to me longer, I started to worry. I don't want him to be late for work. I don't want him to astray from his discipline, especially when our future careers require us to deal with people. As for me, I want to keep the professionalism. So I want him to keep his as well.

I guess I'm becoming too rigid. But I hope it won't hinder my passion as a teacher-to-be.

and one more thing, I don't want to care much about what people think about me. There's nothing to proof. I just want to do my best in everything that I do.

-Miss B-

Feel joy on a sunny day!

Today I worked as a volunteer in a booth where I had to deal with people. It was awesome!!! I was pretty nervous at first, I didn't know what to say to those who dropped by. But to my surprise, it didn't turn out too bad, I managed to smile and made a wee chat with them. Asking them where they came from, and got to learn some foreign words... it was fascinating! I didn't really feel tired. Words suddenly came out naturally, though I stumbled over a little... I guess my "affective filter" was low that time... :) :) :)

Then I went out for tea with my girlfriends, and greeted by a little fellow who was eating with his dad at the next table. I reckon he's just 3-4 years old... and he's super adorable!

I came home as a content being. I had a good time :)

-Miss B-