Feeling hopeless

I woke up feeling like a total looser. I dread going to school. My pupils would finally know that I'm not competent enough. I don't want to go back. Help.

wait.

If you read my previous post, you must be wondering how my driving test was. Well, I wouldn't say it went well or bad because the fact is, I didn't get to sit for it. Boohoo!

My instructor told me that there was some mistakes and apparently the office miss out my name. Of course, I'm super upset about it. I mean, how could that even be possible? I told him how important it was for me to sit for the test this week as the week after I'm going to be even busier than usual. Sigh.

But I've got to control my disappointment. Well B, there's a reason for everything. I might not be ready yet, so I have to wait.

Everything is possible when the time comes. Have faith. 

-Miss B-

Feeling a lot jumpy!

I'm nervous. Extremely. Why? First, practicum. I get cold feet whenever I think about teaching. I would say the class that was given to me is quite challenging. I went in to observe the teacher once. They behaved quite well throughout the lesson but that because the teacher who was in charge did a tremendous job. She was strict and firm, the kind of teacher that you wouldn't want to mess up with. But at the same time, the children love her. They took part during the lesson activity, and they listened to her. She made it look so easy, almost effortlessly. Yet I know that if I were the one who's in charge, I wouldn't be the one who's in control. I need to do something with the way I carry myself: not to be too friendly, not to smile too much, and not to show how nervous I am in front of my students. I need to stand tall and confident. They said with experience, things would get better. As a novice teacher, I have to learn some new tricks to make everything works, and also to be able to pull through when things get out of hand.

Another reason why I'm nervous is because tomorrow is the day that would determine if I could drive legally on road or not. Yes, a driving test. I'm rather pessimistic though. I don't hold out much hope in passing, because I know how difficult it was for me based on my previous experience. Still, I'm nervous. So yeah, hopefully I wouldn't put anyone's life at stake and that I come back as a whole without missing limb or serious cuts!

Wish me the best.

-Miss B-

Point to ponder upon

Sometimes being a chatter can put you in a hot boiling soup. You kept on prattling without realizing that you may have offended your listener. At the end, when you reflect on things that happening that day, you go like "shoot, I think I did say something wrong". And to regret it would bring you no way because you can undo the talking, or unsay the words. Better slip with foot than with tongue.

I could be a real chatter. I could babble and say things foolishly without really thinking about it. Sigh, learn to listen more, B!

-Miss B-

Practicum!

I could write 1000 reasons why I love being a teacher, but at the same time I could also list down 1000 reasons I question myself if this is the right profession for me. I love the teaching part without having to think of how to control the class. I tell you what, I suck big time in classroom management. My mind became blank when I saw students went crazy, chaotic, and out of control. I found myself catching my breath when students started shouting and calling out during the class. And by the end of the day, I felt like a failure. That was not the feeling that I would love to come home with! 

On my second day of practicum I thought about quitting. I questioned myself if I was really meant to do  teaching. My friends told me that I'm a great teacher. But I couldn't help feeling hopeless when I went out of one of the classes that I sat in for that day. It was a total mess, so hectic. I was discouraged and to a certain extent, I felt like banging my head against the wall. But I learned a lesson. Never come into a class unprepared, especially when you're a novice. Now I understand why my lecturers emphasize greatly on lesson plans. Lesson plans at least would prepare you mentally, and alert your mind that you're to become a teacher. While writing your lesson plan, you actually can visualize how the class would be during the activities, and might be rehearse what to say (I found this important as well as I tend to stutter and my grammar goes all out of the place when I'm panic or nervous!) 

Another interesting experience was when I dealt with Year 1 pupils. They are so adorable, and can be a real joker sometimes. But it's not all pretty or cute story when they fight with each other and cry! Strangely enough, kids fighting can be quite contagious. While my friend and I tried to calm down two pupils who were crying and fighting, another pair was actually brawling at the back. That was a real nightmare!

But that was the ugly side of the experience. I got my reward watching them engrossed in their drawing activity afterward. There was this one little boy who was disruptive at first. He shouted and contributed to the chaos in the class. But when I asked him to draw anything that he wanted to (with a little bit of push and persuasion, of course), he came up with this beautiful sketching of him and his dad walking in the park. I was deeply moved and I learned not to judge a child through his or her disruptive behaviour. He/she can be a real darling, and yes, has a lot of potential to offer.

I'll have more stories about practicum coming up after this. Hopefully they not all frightening or frustrating! Wish me luck!

-Miss B-