If you're happy and you know it, clap your hand!

One thing you have to know about me is... I am so fond of singing

When I feel like I'm on the top of the world, I'll sing

When I feel like the world is crashing down on me, I'll sing

When I feel like I could die of boredom, I'll sing

When I hit the roof for out of reason, I'll sing

When I am lost in a blurred world, I'll sing

So, no matter what mood I am in, if I feel like singing, I would.

although sometimes I sing out of tune. lol.

This morning I woke up and went to take my bath. Yup, the need of singing suddenly arouse, and I couldn't help my voice follow the tune of my heart and start dancing in rhythm...

Then,

A friend spoke from outside, "you sound so happy!".

I smile. If only you know what is thundering in my heart...

***

I wish I will always sing and sound happy.

-Miss B-

Motivation before dawn

I wish I have the language in hand

So I can express myself well...

It was so frustrating when I could not make people understood what I was trying to tell them.. It felt like a great failure... like I was a "no good" teacher.

But, I wouldn't be defeated!

= Read more, Practice more...

Another Drama in Life

To Choose.

I wish I could have all the things in list without deciding any choice.

To consider, To ponder

Ahh...

A great dilemma painted by thousand doubt, anxiety...

...and wrecking one's sanity!

O Rationale, where art thou?

The mind is speaking

Words come out unconsciously

It may hurt just like a knife

It may be retold to other’s soul

and sound differently from the original state

…

…..

…….

I have to be very careful

I have to.

Because to speak means to function the brain

The tiny little thing...

Tiny sparkling eyes opened up,

Staring blankly, wandering

Or could be thinking…

“Where am I?”

“Who am I?”

Tiny pouty lips,

Pinkish pure…

Trying to make a sound

But the only thing could be heard

Was a soft roar...

Letting the oxygen comes through the lung

Breathing life...

Tiny little fingers grasping the air

Poking softly onto the bosom

Striking to the heart of a tender creature

Touching those little fingers forming a bond

Nurture of love

Tiny little soul born to the world

Naïve, innocent

Born with a thousand dreams of the future

A pure clean slate to be colored with

Thousand hues…

Tiny sparkling eyes

Tiny pouty lips

Tiny little fingers

Tiny little soul

Born to try

Twinkling Star

Twinkle twinkle little star

How I wonder what you are

Up above the world so high

Like a diamond in the sky

***

The star is unreachable...

Too far...

My hand could not reach out that high...

I picture you in my heart.

I miss you

As simple as it is

I would love to write something.

But my mind quite blank now.

Word does not come so eloquently....

But I'm ready for a try.

So, here we go.

***

I used to dislike cat.

My preference lay on dog, puppies, I mean...

They are so adorable and have been known for being man's bestfriend. :)

However, recently my attention was drawn to a tiny little kitten who was born in our hostel block few months ago. She was certainly adorable and playful. The mother bore 3-4 kittens (If I'm not mistaken), but she was the only survivor. She and her mother live on the kindness of some hostel residents, who are generous enough to spend some bucks on feline foods.

They call her 'Princess'. Active and adorable.

But here, she is lazying around with her

mother (the black+white in colour). I just love this picture. It symbolizes the bond between a mother to her child.

I wish that there'll be no more news about babies been left aside, next to any garbage bin.

and I wish that there'll be no more children abandoning their parents in any old folks' home.

(Sigh, Too much of Vikas Swarup's Slumdog Millionaire, I guess...)

But still,

I wish I'll never be so heartless by committing either the former or the latter.

Never, soon or later.

-Miss B-

ps, a friend will undergo an operation tonight. I hope she gets well soon. Exam is around the corner. Let's pray for her.

Bubble Talk in My Mind

I wish that I could write better and not struggling to express my thoughts.

I have to inject my mind with some doses of informations.

I have to train my brain to write coherently and cohesively.

= Read More.

-Miss B-

Be nice. It won't harm

I was once struggling to be accepted by others. To have a bond called Friendship.

So I did almost everything just to have one that would be there, stick for me when everything goes wrong and share my laughter together.

I did have friends. But friends who would be nice only when they were not with theirs. Friend who would ditch me during their happy2 time, and come back to me when things are not that happy anymore. It's like a cycle. Not to mention, they laugh with me and soon afterward they laugh at me behind my back. Teenage Drama.

Maybe I was too annoying for them
Maybe I was too eccentric
Maybe I was not good enough to be their friend (and thus I deserved to be hated and backbitten)
or maybe I was just being too dramatic, too much of being drama queen.
I have no idea. Nobody ever told me.

As I grew up, I met new people and made friends.
I grew a habit too. I tend to stay away from the crowd, and celebrate my peace in walking alone.

I notice that there are a lot of people around me.
and sometimes I saw the teenage me in others' eyes...
People come to them when they need them, and leave them when they don't. Easy to come, easy to go.

I am one of the People (easy to come, easy to go).

Yes, I feel bad.
I hate myself for being someone who I used to hate.
I wonder why...
Is it because I am a human being; a sinful creature who tends to forget of who I am and tend to fall easily into the deep of wickedness?
I have no idea. Nobody ever told me.

But one thing for sure, I sometimes seek help from those who I consider to be the most annoying people.
When I was emotionally ill, I was comforted by those who were hated and backbitten by most (yup, I am one of the "most").
and when I was sick, I was taken care by those who were thought to be eccentric by all accounts (and I contribute to the "all accounts")

I found love from those who I never thought would be capable to share some.

I wish I could be nicer to them, to everyone

and then I would be able to write in my journal one day that I'm able to love.



-Miss B-

I'm not the kind of girl

who is shy and timid... or speaks with low voice, with graceful gesture, and smile introvertedly...

Well, I may be a bit shy at first, but get to know me and you'll find a friendly creature with

excessive smile (I heard people complain that I smile a LOT!) so yeah... hope you get the point!

I have just found out that meeting people is quite fun and interesting. Before this I used to have the fear of looking silly in front of others... but hey, I guess I'm improving... *clapping*

Long story short, I attended Youth Alpha which was held in my friend's church recently. Well, for those who do not know what Youth Alpha is, it's actually a program /course that provide opportunity for people to explore Christianity in a more relaxing way (we have dinner together before the session starts... and it's FREE!!! *wink*).

I enjoyed the talk, and also the discussion... It allows us to express our opinions, thoughts and even doubt regarding faith...

Not to mention, the opportunity to meet new people, make new friends is thrilling! They are all friendly, but you've got to be daring enough to break the ice, smile and say "Hi" to them. I was quite overwhelmed when I first joined the group. I felt quite inferior, quite scared (maybe because of my inarticulate language). I didn't want to look silly, neither being someone who people would make fun of.

But, after I came to the next session, everything started to be easy. I was not too afraid of speaking with upside-down English (If only you know what I mean)... and I don't think they mind... as long as they understand me, who cares about grammar??? *smiling widely*

David and Wyatt. David is from Nigeria, while Wyatt is from China. David didn't eat that night, while Wyatt seemed enjoying the food so much!

Grace and her group... The lady in red t-shirt is Wan Ding, another new friend :) She's studying in INTI college

Cassey and Yong Shen. Thank to Yong Shen for I might not be able to finish my rice if he didn't take 3 quarters of it! (I'd eaten before I came--My bestie's yummy home-cooked chicken curry!)

I noticed that Wyatt was still eating when Yong Shen snapped this photo!

***

I have had so much fun :D

Thank God for everything...

-Miss B-

Just a thought

Marie Digby is one of my favorite singer/composer... She writes beautifully... I love how she put her thoughts in words, in every line of her song lyrics...

and here's the lyric....

Unfold

what i can remember

is alot like water

trickling down a page

of the most beautiful colors

i can't quite put my

finger down on the moment

that i became like ... this

you see, i'm the bravest girl

you will ever come to meet

and yet i shrink down to nothing

at the thought of someone

really seeing me

i think my heart is wrapped around

and tangled up in winding weeds

but i don't wanna go on living

being so afraid of showing

someone else my..

imperfections

even though my feet are trembling

and every word i say comes

stumbling

i will bare it all.. watch me unfold

unfold

these hands that i hold

behind my back are

bound and broken by my own

doing

and i can't feel

anything, anymore

i need a touch to remind me

i'm still real..

my soul

it's dying to be free

i can't live the rest of my life

so guarded

it's up to me to choose..

what kind of life i lead.

cause i don't wanna go on living

being so afraid of showing

someone else my.. imperfections

even though my feet are

trembling

and every word i say comes stumbling

i will bare it all.. watch me unfold

unfold

i will allow someone to love me

i will allow someone to love

me...

love me.. love me...

***

Yup, I have the desire to be "unfold" too... To be more confident and free myself from anxiety of being imperfect...

No one is perfect, yet there is room for improvement.

I wanna be a butterfly...

who might be once a caterpillar,

who might be once struggling to stay existed,

who might be once dreaming of being beautiful,

who might be once waiting for the time of her own,her day to be among the stars...

I wanna be

A caterpillar who at last turns out to be a butterfly...

All the best, Me

ps, and to you too... :)

-Miss B-

I guess I have blogged more than a year already.

I have a blog before (long forgotten one, written before starting for 'Becoming Miss B')

and these are some of my favorite posts.

and...

-Miss B-

An afternoon out with the girls

Today, I went out with the girls again.

5.00 pm: Casey and Rhenu bought their drinks from Starbucks while the three of us; Tharini, Mel and I went in just to sit (no buying). We talked, planned and laughed. We talked about our outing plan after our exam. Too bad, I was busy changing the setting of my phone, so I wasn't being too attentive. Sorry girls...

5.30pm: We went to this bookstore where I almost grabbed Khaled Hosseini's "A Thousand Splendid Suns" and Slumdog Millionaire, initially known as "Q&A" by Vikas Swarup. My besties forbad me to buy those books. "We'll let you buying novels after the exam", they promised me. See, how 'concerned' they were to me? *winks*

So, yeah... they saved me from spending another 70 bucks on books... and also saved me from spending time reading those books... the time when I am supposed to revise for exam.

but still, I'm so gonna buy those books later. :P

5.45pm: We went to another restaurant to pack foods for Rhenu's roomate. I bought a burger and some fries --> share it with the girls. We talked again, and laughed... :D

6.00pm : Wait for Uncle Kim to fetch us and send us to another area of the city to buy T's cake. She would be going back home for Diwali's celebration. Rhenu too.

6.15pm: Went to a stall for dinner (I've been eating and eating and drinking!)

8.00pm: Reached campus. Tired but happy. Have had fun the whole afternoon. :D :D

It's so good to have friends. Although I may prefer to have time on my own, sometimes having their companies are a great relief; they blow away your anxiety, sadness.

Go get a friend today. You'll feel much better, much younger. *wink*

To my girls

I love you all!

Thank God for the blessings.

-Miss B-

Inspiration before dawn

One of my biggest fears in life is waking up in the morning finding that I'm unable to love...

How am I supposed to live a life to the fullest if I'm numb and couldn't feel anything? How am I going to enjoy the sunrise without feeling the greatest feeling that God ever gave to human beings?

I wish I will never go through that path.

I wish I will never stop enjoying and sharing love... to wake up in the morning and forgive the person that I hate the most...

It's not easy though... but it won't harm to have a try.

Pray and have faith.

-Miss B-

Me... on improving my English

I don't have class today. Yipee!!! so, I decided to blog, more and more... oh well, let see how much I can post... (^_^)

I didn't blog for quite a while... I've been overloaded with assignments... I don't even have the time to think of blogging... My fingers were all occupied for typing my essays...

I would love to blog, updating the recent things happened in my life... though I'm not sure if there's people who would spend their time reading it...

after all, I don't really care much... I just want to see how fluent I am in putting it into words... :P

Ok, back to the topic that I want to talk about today. I recently bought a book entitled "At First Sight" by Nicholas Spark... one of my favorite authors... Initially, I was looking for Khaled Hosseini's "A Thousand Splendid Suns" but I didn't find it. Maybe I'll go hunt for it later.

How I wish I could write like them! I wish I could join workshop or enroll any class for creative writing... I always wanted to be able writing beautifully...

But first and foremost, I have to improve my language... work on my grammar, and read more for vocabulary...

I need to improve my speaking too!

and be more confident while talking...

All the best, myself!

-Miss B-

it's time to grow up more

Being 21.

and I feel great. So much better compare to my last birthday. I

know what I want to do with my life, and I have direction to go. I don't feel inferior for being older than everyone. I just feel good...

Well, I should thank my friends for this... every single thing that they've done just to make me laugh on my big day. Make me happy. Make me understood of feeling been loved. I thank my family too... for brought me up, bringing me to where I am now... but most importantly, I thank God for everything... So many things happened... growing up, learn to climb, learn to walk, learn to get up when get stumbled, and most importantly... I learn to love and appreciate every little things in my life...

I have visions in my life. Dreams and ambitions... and if it is God's will, I'll make it true.. through tears and smiles... hardship and strength...

Thank you Lord...

The Absurd Me

It's been a while since my last post... I rarely blog nowadays except if I am inspired by something and I am urged to put it into words so I won't never forget about it...

and YEAH... I'm inspired now... :)

I've been overloaded with tons of assignments since these last few weeks.... I can't wait till next week... because after that I would not have to stay up along the night just to submit my assignment the next day... and yup, I am a real procrastinator... I wish I could change that... In fact, I'm supposed to redo my reflection now... but I just feel like blogging... wee!

When people talk about assignments, I usually see their tensed faces... Usually, this statement will be overheard... "I HATE ASSIGNMENTS!"

In fact, I'm of the same opinion too... not once, but most of the time...

This may sound absurd, but deep down in my heart, I kinda love it...

Doing research, reading articles and journals, and then putting the ideas into words...

I may not be the best writer, for I used to write grammatically wrong...

but I love to arrange the ideas, trying to connect it to one and another... It's like playing Jigsaw Puzzle... and I can sense the way I think, and my ideas are growing along the way...

Call me Nerdy... but I'm definitely going to miss the moment staying up late at night just to analyze those articles....

>.<

ok, Miss B is off. Assignment time!

ps, I recently learned this...

"xoxo"

lol...