So I did almost everything just to have one that would be there, stick for me when everything goes wrong and share my laughter together.
I did have friends. But friends who would be nice only when they were not with theirs. Friend who would ditch me during their happy2 time, and come back to me when things are not that happy anymore. It's like a cycle. Not to mention, they laugh with me and soon afterward they laugh at me behind my back. Teenage Drama.
Maybe I was too annoying for them
Maybe I was too eccentric
Maybe I was not good enough to be their friend (and thus I deserved to be hated and backbitten)
or maybe I was just being too dramatic, too much of being drama queen.
I have no idea. Nobody ever told me.
As I grew up, I met new people and made friends.
I grew a habit too. I tend to stay away from the crowd, and celebrate my peace in walking alone.
I notice that there are a lot of people around me.
and sometimes I saw the teenage me in others' eyes...
People come to them when they need them, and leave them when they don't. Easy to come, easy to go.
I am one of the People (easy to come, easy to go).
Yes, I feel bad.
I hate myself for being someone who I used to hate.
I wonder why...
Is it because I am a human being; a sinful creature who tends to forget of who I am and tend to fall easily into the deep of wickedness?
I have no idea. Nobody ever told me.
But one thing for sure, I sometimes seek help from those who I consider to be the most annoying people.
When I was emotionally ill, I was comforted by those who were hated and backbitten by most (yup, I am one of the "most").
and when I was sick, I was taken care by those who were thought to be eccentric by all accounts (and I contribute to the "all accounts")
I found love from those who I never thought would be capable to share some.
I wish I could be nicer to them, to everyone
and then I would be able to write in my journal one day that I'm able to love.
-Miss B-
No comments:
New comments are not allowed.