What I've done..

I've signed up for another blog site. No, I will still keep 'Becoming Miss B' as a part of my open journal. I've learned a lot through writing, and that's why I would like to start a new one (as a branch), but with something new, something refreshing, and suits my 'growing' perspective. I wish my writing will get better too. This year course has taught me a lot, especially in improving my language skills. The best part is I've got the opportunity to think and reflect, and think back how the knowledge that I've learned help me in my future career, particularly in becoming a person, a more human.

I hope I will learn some more, and hopefully I will find my identity as a writer through journaling and blogging.

-Miss B-

I have a dream...

I want to be an author, writing effectively. Wish me luck.

-Miss B-

At the sole of superiority

How could I forgive you?

How could I forget everything that you've done to me long ago?

It was carved in the wall of my memory

still as rock, though I wish it'll fade by time.

I hate myself for despising you when you are so dear to me.

You're so nice, everyone could see that...

You're so gentle, delicate...

But you smashed my favour (of you) with unsought 'civilization'

Your knowledge haunted me

Your dream of the future was a great agony...

I live by the memory of yesterday

That's why I'm keeping myself at bay

When you speak of tomorrow's day...

Define me the word 'barbaric', dear son...

I will forever be one,

if you insist that your view is greater than my grandma's virtue...

-Little E-

"Billet-doux"

Well, I would love to continue writing "Love Thy Neighbour", but I have no answers for a lot of questions... Sigh, guess I have to learn more...

I'll write more about it, next time...

But maybe under a different headline... *wink*

***

I watched "Dear John" recently. Yup, the adaptation of Nicholas Spark's novel under the same title. Yup, I cried. Yup, I am a crying-baby. I don't know why I've got so sentimental watching movies nowadays. Weird.

I rarely read nowadays, and yup, it's worrying me. I need more vocabulary to express my maturing perspective (lol!)

But I did listen to heaps of new songs recently. Well, not really new to the world, but kinda new to me because I've never heard them before (sigh, I feel so outdated!)

And I fell in love to this song... it has been my most-played track!

It's one of "Dear John" soundtracks, and sung by Schuyler Fisk and Joshua Radin.

I love the intro, and the melody throughout the song. The guitar sound put me under its spell. and the lyric is not bad, too.

Here it is.

Been up all night
Staring at you
Wondering what's on your mind
I've been this way
With so many before
But this feels like the first time
You want the sunrise
To go back to bed
I want to make you laugh
Mess up my bed with me
Kick off the covers
I'm waiting
Every word you say I think
I should write down
I don't want to forget
Come daylight
Happy to lay here
Just happy to be here
I'm happy to know you
Play me a song
Your newest one
Please leave your taste on my tongue
Paperweight on my back
Cover me like a blanket
Mess up my bed with me
Kick off the covers
I'm waiting
Every word you say I think
I should write down
I don't to forget
Come daylight
And no need to worry
That's wastin time
And no need to wonder
What's been on my mind
It's you
It's you
Every word you say I think
I should write down
Don't want to forget
Come daylight
And I give up
I let you win
You win 'cause I'm not counting
You made it back
To sleep again
Wonder what you're dreaming

It's pleasing my ears, and suits my yet-to-be-grown-up soul. Listening to the song makes me feel warm.. especially when I'm sipping my hot chocolate, staring at every drop of rain outside the window while thinking of you...

Love,

Your Eden

Love thy neighbours. Part 2

Who says to love is easy?

It takes a great deal, even more than to hate, in order to love.

To forgive, and to be able to forget. To heal and be healed.

To erase every single memory of err in one's life.

Will you?

Because we love, we are able to bond.

But we might be ended up hurt.

Hurt, that's the risk of love.

Will you?

***

It's my tea time. To be continued.

-Miss B-

Love thy neighbours. Part 1

Living together is one of the thing that human beings have to learn in life.

It's not easy. Indeed, I find it very difficult. I am an individualistic person, and I have a real tough time dealing with relationship. Sometimes I'm scared to begin one because it might not end well and hurt me. No one wants to be hurt, do they?

But without companion, we humans feel lonely.

I can't help but thinking that human beings are created to bond. To see how well we could tolerate each other. Why 'tolerate'?

I'm a big fan of Piaget and Vygotsky. In his research, Piaget mentioned about individual differences. Hence, it justifies why humans are of different personalities. These personalities may be influenced by nature or nurture. That's why you might be different than me. (I wrote this from my own perspective. I welcome your opinions too)

The real challenge is, how do we live together despite these differences? In fact, I believe that most problem in the world started because people find than they are different from others. I mean, how do we live in peace when our neighbours partying with loud music every night while we prefer quiet environment after coming back from long hour of works? Think about other simple things, for example you prefer chocolate for your ice cream while others want strawberry. Isn't is obvious that we live in different world?

oh, it's my dinner time. To be continued.

-Miss B-

Spell me the word "ANGER"

If you know someone who is timid, naive and know-nothing, who you think you can talk highly to and step on their head, you're deadly wrong. Ain't such thing in this world. You may be standing tall, chest up high as mountain, and everyone looks so tiny and small from where you are. Beware, for your turn to be down might come up next.

I hate writing about karma and doom, it makes me sound so arrogant yet inferior. But sometimes I just can't help it. Especially when I'm engulfed with anger, or when I'm helpless and can do nothing to stop things from infuriating me.

"You mess up with the wrong person, dude"

I feel like screaming it to the whole world. But who am I? How would I have the gut to say such thing when I'm a nobody?? I could feel my defenseless from each of those words. Why can't I see the point that real courage actually lies on patience, and that victory is mine when I stop myself from running amok?

I'm a human being and anger is ordinary (normal). But what makes a human being extraordinary is how they remain calm even if they are angry.

No, I don't plan to be extraordinary. But it won't make me less human if I try to be one. In fact, human being should move toward a betterment.

-Miss B-

Void

tik tok

the clock strikes, time is indeed flying.

and I am left behind, far from reality.

My sole is not even on the ground.

I am flown to a land of nobody.

My soul stands lonely..

The pace of wind, who I thought once to be my friend,

has left me.

Hollow in my heart, void.

Waiting for something uncertain

I need answers.

Why do I feel alone around the crowd?

Why can't the music amuse me?

Why can't the aromatic smell calm me?

Why can't the sunflower make me smile?

Is it still there?

My spirit, young and free,

is it still there??

I'm no longer burnt with passion.

It has cooled off long ago, I suppose.

I don't know.

I'm flown again.

-Little E-

Self-Cheering

I heard an honest remark last week. I have limited English vocabulary. Thus, I have problem in communicating. I have realized it long time ago. I never get my message across. I have problem communicating in English. Although I have been working really hard, I progress really slow. But no, I never plan to give up. I would never give up. I'm now looking forward to an intensive programme which will help me to develop my communication skill.

I realize that I have learned a lot of vocabularies while working with the children. I could probably be better if I work even longer in the school I was sent to. I'm looking forward to another practicum next year.

Keep going, Miss B!

-Miss B-

Exhausted Miss B

1. I hardly had time to blog today. It was a real hectic day. I just hope everything would be better tomorrow.

2. I've just realize that I can learn a lot of things from children. I love talking to my students, and listening to story that my associate teacher read to them. I feel like being one again. It was a great opportunity.

3. My dance team will perform their dance tomorrow. Hopefully they'll be fine.

4. My oral grammar went upside down again. I don't care. Let it be. But, I'm gonna practice and IMPROVE soon. I just hope my associate teacher is fine with it. And my teacher-mates. And my students (though they laughed behind me)

I'm wishing for the best.

-Miss B-

I seriously need some help.

Wouldn't it be nice if I come home and Polar Bear is there, welcoming me with sweet smile, and then ready to listen to my rambling about my day...

I was lucky enough for my housemate cooked something nice for dinner. At least I could calm down after a hectic day. I know I should have stopped talking about my day at school, I probably have bored you to death... but sorry, I just can't help myself. I need to write my feeling 'out loud'.

I suppose everyone could already guess it... yup, today was my frustrating day AGAIN.

I was just so frustrated because I couldn't control my students well... I envy one of my college-mate who's also doing practicum in the classroom. She's doing much better than I do... She could handle them well... and her lesson went very well... If only I could do something like hers...

I notice one of the weakness in my teaching point is my language use. I couldn't communicate to the students as how the other teachers do because I don't have the vocabs... I feel so bad about it... I was trembling, and words didn't come up easily... and students were laughing behind my back... I just couldn't handle them...

If only I have a magical stick, I would make myself fluent, so I could communicate easily.

Way to go, Miss B. You have a lot of things to learn...

I hope I'll do much better tomorrow. I need to coach students in a dancing activity. They are going to perform in front of everyone, and of course, I want them to do it perfectly (if possible)

I just want them to have fun, and feel good about themselves when they are performing it. And hopefully, they will cooperate more...

-Miss B-

Learning to teach.

My associate teacher was generous enough today and thus she let me handle two sessions of teaching. It was a great opportunity to see if I could teach students.

Well, what should I say about it???

It was far than being awesome, not even close to being OKAY.

I felt like crying. The students were not listening. They preferred talking and being silly (sorry, if it sounds too harsh, I couldn't find other words to euphemise them).

I wish I could handle them better.

But at the same time I could feel a new Miss B is awaken. Never I thought that I could reach such level in front of other children besides my siblings.

Yeah, I was being FIERCE.

Can you imagine that??? Miss B, who is normally timid, and shy, and inferior, and easily-intimidated, was being fierce in front of her students!!!

Though I feel quite bad (because one student was sent away during my lesson), I guess my classroom management is getting better (though it wasn't not good enough, at least it was better than yesterday).

Hence, to a certain extent,assertiveness works quite well for a beginner like me, although I use to think that it is not an effective way in handling classroom behavior.

There's this a student of mine, his name is Lucky (pseudonym) and he's cute. I love the way he calls me "Miss B". It sounds so angelic. He is indeed a little angel. He has a very soft voice which makes you want him to call your name the whole time. and he has those eyes which look very innocent, just like the eyes of a newborn baby. However, behind those beautiful baby eyes, he could be a little devil who is ready to ruin your class.

Initially I was looking forward to have him in my group. But the moment he sat in front of me, and started to do silly stuff and on, I straight away regretted my initial anticipation. I couldn't stand him. He made every single thing that annoyed me, and to make things worst, the rest of the students were 'influenced' to be naughty as well.

I felt bad, for he was sent away just now when he was supposed to be in my little group for dancing activity. and I was being quite harsh to him too. Sorry darling, Miss B didn't mean to be mean. I wish you understand it one day.

I suppose that's the most thing I could do at the moment. I wish I could figure out another strategy on how to handle classroom without giving student a time-out.

I hope I would be able to perform my favourite theory, Glasser's choice theory.

Yeah, that's it. I could read a lot of theories, criticizing them verbally, but to perform them practically is another different story and yeah, it's indeed difficult.

-Miss B-

Oh Deary Deary ME!!!

I always tell myself that I'm lucky enough to be chosen in this programme and therefore I should not be choosy. If I were to send to the end of the world, then off I go. I should not complain, wishing that I will get somewhere better.

Today was a real challenge to my belief. I was really put on test. I was crying in my heart. I prayed that my smile didn't quiver. It has to be a perfect mask, to disguise my awkwardness.

I felt so awkward being around my students. My grammar turned upside down. I just prayed that the associate teacher understand my English. Or she might have understood. Sigh, I should have handed her my self-description form. I've clearly written "English is my third language" on it.

I do love my students. I really do. But I couldn't help being awkward. and shy. and timid. and not being able to handle the little group under my care. I might have looked so PESSIMIST in front of everyone.

I envy my partner (there were two of us, supposed to be 3 but one could not make it). She looks pretty natural among children. I would say, she could handle the class without much ado. and the children love her.

I pray that thing would be better tomorrow. Be more confident, B! You're gonna be a teacher!

-Miss B-