To the person who taught me to read, I'm forever in debt to you. You might not teach in school, but you were a teacher to one.
Happy Teacher's Day :)
-Miss B-
Thursday, May 16, 2013
Happy yeah yeah yeah!
I think today would be a great day because it's my first TEACHER'S DAY ever as one! To all souls who burn their midnight oil in order to bring another humble soul up from the darkness, Happy Teacher's Day.
To the person who taught me to read, I'm forever in debt to you. You might not teach in school, but you were a teacher to one.
To the person who taught me to read, I'm forever in debt to you. You might not teach in school, but you were a teacher to one.
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
It's gonna be alright.
I had a bad day. Well, not that the day has practically over (there's still a chance that the day turns out to be a great one), but up to this moment I'm not really on the mood. I feel lonely. I wish I could talk to someone about things that have happened earlier, and also my disappointment over them.
At work, I think I have a problem in fitting in. Don't get me wrong, I have a great bunch of people working with me and I even get closed to a few of them but sometimes I just feel awkward. Maybe I tried so hard to make them like me without realizing that I was actually scaring them away. Or maybe because I'm new and they need time to accept me the way they do to the others. I could tell that they are still on the 'barrier' zone where they are being polite and nice to me just like how you would treat a visitor from somewhere else. Perhaps I should guard my tongue, as in not to talk too much so I won't risk myself 'poking the beehive' by mentioning things that shouldn't be. But I should be friendly and generous with smiles. I remember a girlfriend told me a fact earlier that primitive people turned their mouth up to exposed their both upper and lower front teeth as an indicator that they meant no harm. I was actually called "Miss Cheerful" by few colleagues because I would never fail to smile whenever I met them.
After work, I would go back to the place where I'm renting now and endure the torture of the hot weather. I have a small fan to help me survive, but even the blow are most of the time hot. Thank God, He knew that I had a rough day earlier and therefore poured some rain to this place. It felt much cooler and I slept through the whole afternoon.
While preparing my dinner just now, I was suddenly stroke by a sudden pang of sadness. There was no water so I couldn't do the dishes. Therefore I just settled for a pack of instant noodle. While cooking, I looked around to ensure that there was no tokay gecko trying to slip in through the crack on the wall (more about this later). After that, I went back to my room and decided to have my meal there. Looking at my meal and thinking about eating it alone saddened me. I thought about my family at home, about how they would gather for dinner and enjoy it with each other. The thought made me feel homesick. There is no other place that I want to be at but home. I miss its comfort and warmth.
I know that there's something great waiting for me in the future should I continue this path. But to wait till the moment comes seems unbearable. I wonder how Mother Mary pulled through after everything that happened to her. We probably think how lucky it is to be chosen being the Mother of God, but we were not in her shoes when woes befell her. Imagine living in a society who condemned an unmarried woman expecting a baby, who was raised just to be seen suffering on the cross few decades afterward.
I wish I could pray like Jesus on the Mount of Olives right before He was arrested by the crowd.
"Father, if You will, take this cup of suffering away from Me. Not My will, however, but Your will be done" (Luke 22:42)
One would never be able to utter such prayers without courage. And I pray that I'll be courageous enough to pray those lines...
What might seem to be a series of unfortunate events may in fact be the first step of a journey (A Series of Unfortunate Events (film), 2004).
Hold on, B. It's going to be better soon.
-Miss B-
At work, I think I have a problem in fitting in. Don't get me wrong, I have a great bunch of people working with me and I even get closed to a few of them but sometimes I just feel awkward. Maybe I tried so hard to make them like me without realizing that I was actually scaring them away. Or maybe because I'm new and they need time to accept me the way they do to the others. I could tell that they are still on the 'barrier' zone where they are being polite and nice to me just like how you would treat a visitor from somewhere else. Perhaps I should guard my tongue, as in not to talk too much so I won't risk myself 'poking the beehive' by mentioning things that shouldn't be. But I should be friendly and generous with smiles. I remember a girlfriend told me a fact earlier that primitive people turned their mouth up to exposed their both upper and lower front teeth as an indicator that they meant no harm. I was actually called "Miss Cheerful" by few colleagues because I would never fail to smile whenever I met them.
After work, I would go back to the place where I'm renting now and endure the torture of the hot weather. I have a small fan to help me survive, but even the blow are most of the time hot. Thank God, He knew that I had a rough day earlier and therefore poured some rain to this place. It felt much cooler and I slept through the whole afternoon.
While preparing my dinner just now, I was suddenly stroke by a sudden pang of sadness. There was no water so I couldn't do the dishes. Therefore I just settled for a pack of instant noodle. While cooking, I looked around to ensure that there was no tokay gecko trying to slip in through the crack on the wall (more about this later). After that, I went back to my room and decided to have my meal there. Looking at my meal and thinking about eating it alone saddened me. I thought about my family at home, about how they would gather for dinner and enjoy it with each other. The thought made me feel homesick. There is no other place that I want to be at but home. I miss its comfort and warmth.
I know that there's something great waiting for me in the future should I continue this path. But to wait till the moment comes seems unbearable. I wonder how Mother Mary pulled through after everything that happened to her. We probably think how lucky it is to be chosen being the Mother of God, but we were not in her shoes when woes befell her. Imagine living in a society who condemned an unmarried woman expecting a baby, who was raised just to be seen suffering on the cross few decades afterward.
I wish I could pray like Jesus on the Mount of Olives right before He was arrested by the crowd.
"Father, if You will, take this cup of suffering away from Me. Not My will, however, but Your will be done" (Luke 22:42)
One would never be able to utter such prayers without courage. And I pray that I'll be courageous enough to pray those lines...
What might seem to be a series of unfortunate events may in fact be the first step of a journey (A Series of Unfortunate Events (film), 2004).
Hold on, B. It's going to be better soon.
-Miss B-
Talk about teaching :(
All this while I never believed in punishing children for their misbehaviour. But after going in few classes I started to think that maybe I should do so. Everytime I went out from the classroom, I felt restless and tired. My head ached, my heart too. I felt frustrated, and screaming at the top of my lung seemed a good idea. I just couldn't make my pupils listen to me or do the task that I'd assigned them too. I felt silly talking to the wall because they wouldn't heed me.
To add up to the list, I actually feel guilty for teaching English in the children's first language. When I first went in to one of the classes, I spoke English the whole time. However, little did I know that they would go to their homeroom teacher and complaint that they didn't want me to come in anymore because they didn't understand what I said. It was so demotivating. I know that limited first language usage is allowed but it seems that I've been using it excessively lately. And I'm also abusing the language because thinking in two languages at the same time is so tiring. So I ended up speaking broken English, blended in the children's first language. The first language that I use is not grammatically correct either. And don't let me start on my broken English. I'm an English learner myself, how would it help my learning if I don't practise it properly?
I was not appointed with any clerical work yet. Maybe I should just enjoy my freedom at the moment before more frustration load up.
Abba Father, help me.
-Miss B-
Thursday, May 2, 2013
Another cycle of life
Sometimes when I'm frustrated about something I would write a poem about it. Alright, maybe not really a poem but more to expressing myself with words in a poetic way. However most of the time, my writings become sombre, more murky than happy. And it leaves ones depressed, just like the feeling you might get when you're walking along the street in winter. So cold, so dead, so vacant.
This is the time when I start yearning of sweet fragrance of spring. To see a glimpse of blossoms, a glimpse of hope.
***
I miss my college days. It's funny to feel this way when it just ended few months ago. Maybe I miss my friends. Working phase feels weird without the company of familiar faces, and what makes it even strange is that the fact that you're now an adult. Maybe I'm afraid of adulthood. Being an adult comes with responsibilities. Whatever you decide now must be thought carefully, or else you'll spend the rest of your life regretting over mistake that you did in the past.
***
So what is the purpose of this post? Well actually I'm writing to remind myself that despite the hardships and challenges (that comes one after another), I'm sure this season would pass. In order to experience glorious summer days, I have to endure cold winter nights. Just wait patiently, maybe a little while longer because good things come to those who wait.
-Miss B-
This is the time when I start yearning of sweet fragrance of spring. To see a glimpse of blossoms, a glimpse of hope.
***
I miss my college days. It's funny to feel this way when it just ended few months ago. Maybe I miss my friends. Working phase feels weird without the company of familiar faces, and what makes it even strange is that the fact that you're now an adult. Maybe I'm afraid of adulthood. Being an adult comes with responsibilities. Whatever you decide now must be thought carefully, or else you'll spend the rest of your life regretting over mistake that you did in the past.
***
So what is the purpose of this post? Well actually I'm writing to remind myself that despite the hardships and challenges (that comes one after another), I'm sure this season would pass. In order to experience glorious summer days, I have to endure cold winter nights. Just wait patiently, maybe a little while longer because good things come to those who wait.
-Miss B-
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
Keeping my chin up
Today, I some sort come to a realization that I shouldn't voice out everything that I feel. Mom advised me about this before. But I never understood until today. There are a lot of things that surely frustrate me but better be left unsaid. So, I vow to myself that I will keep everything at heart and not to mention it to anyone. Another thing is that I should just live my life the way it is and stop feeling sorry to myself for not living how I've thought I should have. Just live, wait, and see what comes next. Some things are beyond control, and we can't do anything about it. Like all this while, I've been too worried about my future and now I feel silly. Why should I waste my time worrying about life when I couldn't get out of it alive? It is a cliche, but there's truth between the lines.
Maybe I should invest my time in being positive. And enjoy life one at a time. Hardship surely comes, but positiveness surely help me to pull through. So bring it on, life. We'll see how long Miss B could survive.
-Miss B-
Maybe I should invest my time in being positive. And enjoy life one at a time. Hardship surely comes, but positiveness surely help me to pull through. So bring it on, life. We'll see how long Miss B could survive.
-Miss B-
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