All this while I never believed in punishing children for their misbehaviour. But after going in few classes I started to think that maybe I should do so. Everytime I went out from the classroom, I felt restless and tired. My head ached, my heart too. I felt frustrated, and screaming at the top of my lung seemed a good idea. I just couldn't make my pupils listen to me or do the task that I'd assigned them too. I felt silly talking to the wall because they wouldn't heed me.
To add up to the list, I actually feel guilty for teaching English in the children's first language. When I first went in to one of the classes, I spoke English the whole time. However, little did I know that they would go to their homeroom teacher and complaint that they didn't want me to come in anymore because they didn't understand what I said. It was so demotivating. I know that limited first language usage is allowed but it seems that I've been using it excessively lately. And I'm also abusing the language because thinking in two languages at the same time is so tiring. So I ended up speaking broken English, blended in the children's first language. The first language that I use is not grammatically correct either. And don't let me start on my broken English. I'm an English learner myself, how would it help my learning if I don't practise it properly?
I was not appointed with any clerical work yet. Maybe I should just enjoy my freedom at the moment before more frustration load up.
Abba Father, help me.
-Miss B-
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