Somewhere over the rainbow...

Life's been good so far, I couldn't ask for more.

I'm trying to be grateful for every single thing.

Of course, I still have a lot of issues in finding myself, but I've learned a lot.

I've learned to accept that it won't be always rainbows and butterflies, as life is a roller coaster itself. What important is you learn how to find your way up whenever you are rolled down to the lowest bottom.

I love picturing myself as the girl with dirty jeans who's happily sitting on a swing -- smiling all the way, a picture of carefree and jolliness. I feel pretty.

At the same time, I feel sorrow for the people in Christchurch. May God bless you all and strengthen you in and out especially at the moment like this. My thoughts and prayers are with you all.

-Miss B-

Sharing is the best part in everyday we live

I don't want this proximity between me and Him to be a brief encounter.

I want it to last, as long as I'm breathing.

When I woke up this morning, my mind was on Him. As I thanked Him for another new day, I knew that He's allowed me to live for a reason which I'm yet to discover.

I'm to live exploring and experience the days ahead , yet to reveal every surprise along the line.

And of course, thing has been much easier with love.

"I may give away everything I have, and even give up my body to be burnt - but if I have no love, this does me no good" (1 Cor 13: 3)

-Little E-

and nobody needs to know

I want to have a serious relationship with You, though I know you not.

I shall not be ashamed for who I am, nor who I am with you, for You've created me in Your own image. Fearfully and wonderfully made.

I'm definitely special in my own way, and none will understand but You, because You've planned everything ahead. There's a reason for my existence, and it's a part of the mystery that You'll only reveal when the time comes.

I'll humble down my arrogant heart with Your grace. and I shall have faith for You'll be there, watching over me, though Your silence fills the dimension most of the time. You're silent because You're trying to talk to me, and I'll find my way to understand every part of it. I just need to listen.

-Little E-

Inner random

I always have been scared of not being able to love. To be so void, heartless, and too numb to feel anything... which finally throws the human part of me.

and now I'm scared of growing up. There's a lot of thing that I want to do, and I have a big problem in letting go, to accept the fact that I will never be someone who I always want to be.

Whatever it is, I hope that I'm a better person than yesterday. Learn how to be a lady, B.

-Miss B-

Playlist

I love listening to the acoustic version of Adam Lambert's Whattaya Want from Me. The melody's kinda relaxing, without too much of heavy rock element. He's indeed a talented singer, wish him good luck in his career!

Another favourite track that I've been listening to recently is Kurt Scheneider, Sam Tsui and Christina Grimmie's cover of Nelly's Just a Dream. Thanks to my sister who played the song all day without fail! I just find it genius -->their rendition of the rap to a more melodious R&B. I'm now convinced that Youtube is a potential channel, flashing a new hope to more prodigies all over the world to spread their wings! I was initially drawn to Sam's powerful voice, he has portrayed the emotion so well and strongly. I could feel the persona's grievance over his loss, as if I were the one who's in his shoe! He reminds me much of Kris Allen in his cover of Heartless.

Talking about emotion in songs led me to Sarah Brightman's This Love. Call me sentimental, I could play the song all night long with tissues on my lap weeping! While listening, I like to imagine myself sitting in a dessert at night, feeling the air move down slowly into my lung just to realize how void I've become...

Ok enough about the music expert talk, I'm off to bed.

-Miss B-

so if i...

Maybe I should take things slow. Not to pressure myself too much. And be still.

I've been busy running my life, trying my best to achieve my goal in order to feel accomplished. Yet, things did not turn out accordingly and I kept on thinking the lack and minus point of my race. I was trying to be independent. I was trying to be an adult, to grow up. And I've leaned so much on my own strength. I didn't acknowledge Him. I thought I could do everything on my own.

And now the race has drained my energy, both physically and spiritually.

I need to meditate.

and pray.

-Miss B-

Wouldn't it be better if...

I wonder how it would be like to have been born with silver spoon in my mouth... would everything that I dream and plan to do fall into place?

Or if I were born somewhere else, where people are more receptive about things that are taboo in my place, would it be easier for me to bond and feel accepted?

What if I'm a liberal person who's fearless, would I be bold and do things that I want to do but I couldn't because I care so much what people think about me?

There are times when I wish I were someone else. But to do so will deny my existence. And denying my existence would be unfair for those who love me. That even if I feel like a nobody, I'm still a somebody in somebody's life.

Maybe I should stop racing for a while, so I could look around and be grateful for being me.

-Miss B-