I don't intend to make this blog a place for me to pour down all my negative emotions. I don't want my readers feel depressed. But how could I come up with something enlightening when I'm not in the mood?
Sigh, it's not your fault, child. Mommy is upset right now. And I hope that I could come up with more happy posts so that when you're reading this, you wouldn't think of me as a person with a bad temper who is emotionally unstable. I have years to go before that happens, even before you would be born. So I think I should start practicing now. No, I wouldn't want to repress my emotions because to do so is like denying something that is a part of me; something that contributes to the person I am now. But at least, you would know that I'm more than a sad person who's wailing in her blog!
Do you want to know the source of the frustration?
Well it was pretty trivial actually. Not of something that would affect the world like global warming or etc. I'm even ashamed for being frustrated over this matter. But child, frustration is often resulted of expectation that is not met, or desire that is not fulfilled. And right now I'm frustrated because things go not according to what I've expected.
When I signed up for driving class few months back, I was expecting my tutor to be someone who would be better than my previous instructor. Who would be more patient in teaching a beginner like me. Voila, I met one and I'm satisfied with the way he tutored me. He never got angry (well, I don't know what he actually felt in heart) even if I changed the gear without pressing the clutch pedal; or when I released the clutch pedal before holding down the throttle - much to my horror when the engine went off in front of the green traffic light. No, he has never got mad. Doesn't he deserve a round of applause? Clap clap, everyone.
There's just one thing about him that irks me so much. He's good at giving empty promise. For the last couple of months, I've been living in uncertainty. He said he would come at 7.30 in the morning, but then messaged me an hour later saying that he could not make it, and arranged a new time later in the afternoon. Sometimes he really made it, but most of the time I ended up canceling all my activities for the day for nothing - he never came. And this fellow is smart. He would never say 'no' to any time that I've suggested. He said 'yes' most of the time, even to my pleading of getting my license by the end of the month. Well, of course I could go for a driving test any time sooner, now that my 'Learner' license is due to qualify me for the test. But, the problem is I've just been to a few one-hour sessions, which was normally up to 45 minutes the most. And today, I've been spending my whole day waiting for him (because he's promised to) but he never turned up! I'll be heading home for school break next week and won't be back until next month. And my plan to get my license by the end of this month has gone down the drain...
Can I roar now? I feel like ripping a paper to pieces, then swallow every piece before throwing them up for the Decepticons to eat. Gross much?? Well it doesn't equate the frustration that I have to swallow right now.
*breath in*breath out*
Frustration is rooted from a desire that is unfulfilled. Learn to accept that sometimes thing does not go according to what we've planned. It's like tossing a coin, you bet for the head but you get the tail instead, and now you have to learn to live with the tail for some time until the next tossing. So right now, I try to calm down myself because there's nothing I could do about the situation.
-Miss B-
