Craving for self-respect

I'm sorry dear children,
for this past few days I've been feeling so down and thus it effects my attitude to be so negative...
I hate to face others without smile on my face...
I hate to be so demotivated and yet I couldn't help but sighing all the time whenever depression strikes me...

I use to belittle myself, lack of self-esteem and confidence. Almost about everything.
The truth is, I am afraid of hoping for the best, to tell the world "I can do it" only to know that I'm losing in the next moment..

It hurts to know that you lose something that you really hope to be true

When I was a little kid, I told myself that I would score well in my examination. The next time when the result was out, I found out that I didn't.
I was so devastated.
Thenceforth I never get the courage to hope for the best and I'm stuck to that attitude until now.
It sucks.

I wanna be positive. To think and To act positively. But most of the time it turns to be the other way round.

Maybe I just don't know how be one... To think and to act positively..
I'm yet to discover.

-Miss B-