It's been a long time. Hello everyone.

I rarely have time to update this page and even if I do, other circumstances always hinder me from doing so. However today, I have this burning thoughts (does "burning" colocate "thoughts"?) that I need to tell you before it gets extinguished because this I think you have to know this.

...or maybe the right word is to learn.

If you've been reading me since the beginning you surely know by now that I am a person with low self-confidence, and I don't deal with relationship well. I struggle in keeping the bond. One thing that I've learned to this day is that relationship needs efforts. Besides, it takes two to tango. You won't dance unless if your partner is willing to do so.

Like I told you earlier, I'm not good in this and no, I'm not proud of this trait of mine. Initially, I want to keep everyone who is dear to me close, and I want it stay that way for infinity. However, just like how paint on the wall fades through times, relationship does too. One has to keep up its maintenance, and possibly re-paint if needed.

So I prayed to God the other day, and suddenly heard my inner-self's little voice saying "help me to keep relationships that are worth-pursuing". I was startled. The word "worth-pursuing" has been stuck in my head until this very moment. When I reflected on it, I saw myself as a person who is always trying hard to please others in other to be likable. To be accepted. To have friends. And I sometimes go to extremes in which I deny myself from benefits and rights in place of other's. In the end I suffer and the saddest part is there is none of them worth the trying or pursuing. They don't feel the same about me and worst, hate me even more.

-MissB-