Another thing is, I'm wearing my heart on my sleeve, but the most scary part is... I lose control over my emotion, as if being numb, paralyzed... It's like being happy, but I couldn't really feel that I was being happy, until I found myself laughing out loud and smiling the whole day. It's like being sad, but I couldn't really feel that I was being sad, until I found myself sitting silently in the corner with tears streaming on my cheeks. It's like being angry, but I couldn't really feel that I was being angry, until I found myself throwing things over the wall and looked stern in the mirror (which is so ugly! and never I will show that face to my children... hopefully!)
Sometimes when depression hit me, I couldn't really feel it until I found myself munching heavily on corn chips or dancing insanely with a glass of milk in hand, in the middle of night. It's just something odd, I know I'm strange.
But children,
I'm trying my best on improving myself, to ameliorate the human part of me.
I do make mistake and I'm not proud of it.
I'm learning for the betterment of life so one day when you talk about me, you know (and you could feel it) that you are proud of me.
-Miss B-
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