What doesn't kill you makes you stronger!

(A)
Sometimes I'm afraid people misinterpret my self-deprecating jokes/statements for humble-brag. Polar Bear told me once that I should try act cool - by that he means to speak less - as I tend to speak excessively without realizing that I put others off. How awful!

(B)
My mentor - someone who is sent by the government to supervise and guide me in teaching (how lucky! *smirk*) describes me as frantic. I got panicked easily. I didn't know where I got that from but this trait has seemed to emerge since my early teenage years. If you're to come over to my school, you'll recognize me easily by just looking out for a female teacher with frowns on the forehead, walking fast with lots of files in both hands/ or sitting at her place with a pen and might be in a deep thought. I just can't help it. I'm always worried that I'll forget something so I just carry everything in my arms. I walk fast because I want to save more time. And because of this my colleague used to make fun of me. "There goes the busiest person in the world". I smile whenever they make that remark about me although I'm boiling inside. I feel like shouting at them."Hey, this is just me! For you, I'm probably that someone who makes small things appear big. But for me, I'm doing a great deal!"I can't help the way I walk or the way I get panicked when problems occur. I DO want to get help. I want to meet professionals who would help me to be better and calm down. But where would I find such help in this remote place??

(C)
My new resolution for this year is to be more passionate in whatever I'm doing, especially in my career. I want to be sincere in doing my work, give my very best, and most importantly help my pupils. So I've been suggesting few matters to the administrators in which I think would help in increasing the school performance. Little did I know some people would have considered my intention to be you-think-you're-so-clever act! And so they went (as so I thought) "You think you're smarter than anyone else, let's grant you piles of workloads and see if you can handle them well!"

A + B + C + Loneliness = how frustrated I am at the moment.

I yearn for companies though I don't feel like talking.

I can't wait to get out of this place. Though some of the people are diamonds, whom I call 'friends'.

Give me strength, dear Lord.

-MissB-