Thought of yesterday

I have tons of assignments waiting. I just couldn't be bothered. I feel like procrastinating the whole time... I notice that I've been doing a lot of reflection recently about things that I've done in the past... and I kinda regret some of it, especially the moment when I was being mean to others.

There was this lady who lived near by and always came to my house. Her daughter was about 6-7 that time (I couldn't really remember). She asked me to teach her daughter to read and write. I agreed with the idea in the beginning, but soon afterward I got turned off. I felt it was really difficult to teach the child. Another thing was she always came during afternoon (after I came back from school) and that even annoyed me because I had to 'sacrifice' my afternoon nap (God knows how important siesta was for me that time!) I remembered how I rose my voice once when the child couldn't do the question that I asked her to do. When I think back about it now, I feel so ashamed of myself. I should have never been nasty to her. If only I have my teaching hat on during that time, I probably could change something.

There was another incident when I was in my secondary school. I feel like banging my head onto the wall whenever I think back about it nowadays. There was this friend who had just come into my class. I was quite lucky because I was put into an 'A' class (where students with higher ability went to). But I guess, being in the classroom had made me arrogant. I felt like I was a genius, and those with lower ability shouldn't come into the classroom. The friend (who had just come into the class) was not really 'ranked' in the 'A' student list. But she happened to register late, and when the teacher asked her which class she wanted to be in, she picked our class. I was nasty toward her on the first day. I told her that she shouldn't choose our class because she would suffer afterward... that she wouldn't be able to keep up with the rest in the class. Another friend questioned me for being too nasty and looked down upon others. I told the friend back that I was just being concern. I kept on emphasizing the fact that the girl would have problem in keeping up with others later.

God knows how much I regret it now. Instead of helping the poor girl, I criticized her. Instead of lending a hand, I judged her ability. Instead of welcoming her, I put on a hostile face. Shame on me. and yeah, karma has struck me even harder. It took me long to come into realization, but I thank God for at least now I have learned my lesson. I suppose my logic has 'grown up'.

I feel sorry for those people...

I feel even sorry for myself for being so unintelligent once... I missed a lot of things. Now i have to catch up and learn as much as possible...

-Miss B-