Scale

I guess I would love it much if I'm suddenly struck by ideas and then start writing. Like 'bang! bang! bang!' and there it goes, a post published in this site.

Idea reaches me once in a blue moon, especially when I'm so overwhelmed with emotions -- which are often sulky and gloomy. Maybe that explains why most of my posts are intense with melancholy.

I’m sure you could tell that I was really subjected to inner conflict recently. I have questions, and I demand answers. When my mind couldn’t digest it, frustration would hit me. Some of you might suggest me to pray. To talk to Him. I want to, really. But I couldn’t find the way out. I reckon my logic sometimes hinder my spirituality. I try to seek answer, I debate, and I weigh both right and wrong.

I have such a trouble time explaining to Polar Bear why I want to devote myself to Big Daddy so much. Polar Bear is a free thinker who believes in God but refuse to submit to religion. He has his own idea about the whole thing. He told me that religion is sometimes influenced by politic, that some people are more to 'glorifying' themselves instead of God. And it makes him sick. So he stays away. How I wish I could rebut his point. And yet.

For some reason, it seems that I couldn’t conclude this entry well. Maybe because I haven’t found the answer yet. Maybe I was blindfold by my own logic. I don’t know.

-Miss B-